AS TIME MARCHES ON The sun rises each day and the moon climbs high at night, marking the passing of time. It has been 243 days and so many things have happened since Dan died. Days, weeks, and months pass and it feels strange when I take stock of time’s passing. It helps to do […]
love
H O P E
This past weekend, Sarah and I traveled to Toronto to attend our third Camp Widow there. We’ve both realized that Camp Widow recharges us. Though we may not be in the active throes of grief on a daily basis, with Megan’s death four years ago, and Drew’s six, there is something about telling our stories, and hearing others’ that brings a…
What Remains, In This After of You
A trifold flag, presented to me at your memorial service. Where are you, my beloved? ID tags that hang over my bed or around my neck. Where are you, my beloved? 3 children you raised with me, though they weren’t of your blood. Where are you, my beloved? A grandson who would tower over you in height, and who reminds me of you each time I see a…
Love, On This Odyssey of Love
Perhaps one of the most helpful things I’ve learned in a little over 5 years of widowhood is this… I don’t have to be anything different, feel anything different, aspire to anything different…before going and doing whatever it is that I feel I must do to live this life without Chuck. I don’t have to have hope. I don’t even know what…
Love Note #1
My Love, I miss you to the depths of me. When I say to the depths of me, I mean I yearn for you, With all that I am -in my human form. And, then further. The aching for you lives, Both, inside and outside of me. I feel all the missingness, Loosely, messily, precariously Contained inside of me. Ricocheting off the corners of my…
Falling out of Grief
I feel like this may need some sort of introductory explanation. Suffice to say, that this entry is kinda sultry; but, more so, it is fairly profound – at least to me. ~Staci I have figured out how to love Mike -in separation. And, I am not talking about some superficial, makeshift love. I am talking about deep, pure, passionate love. The type of…
Weak at the Knees
How do I bring the girl he fell in love with back to life? I miss her. I am working on rebuilding myself. And, the new version of me is different. I am changed not by choice, but by design. Not all of me survived his death. But, the core of who I am and who he loved still remains. So, here I am using the bones of my old self as…
If What is Left, is This…then, yes~
As 5 years without you, edges its’ way ever nearer to me, and as my heart and soul hear the shuffle of time coming closer, creeping past, zooming closer, flying past.. As these ten thousand years have passed, since his death, as each nanosecond passes in the here and now, I remember how he loved me, how I loved him. I remember his calm spirit and…
Strong on Your Love
I am tired of trying to be – ‘not sad’. I am exhausted from the aching in my heart. I am weary from recognizing Joy everywhere, All around me, And, still feeling hollow inside, I am aware of all the good in my life, My heart is grateful for what I have. So, I ask myself again and again, Why isn’t it enough? Why isn’t my life enough – without…
The Power of This 4 Letter Word~
I believe in Love.I believe that Love enriches and empowers and creates and morphs mere humans into magnificent beings.I believe that life dares us and bids us, at our best and our worst, to open our hearts to Love.I believe that life challenges us, through strife and perplexity and awkwardness, to continue loving in the face of all that it throws…
1097 and Counting
Three years is not an insignificant amount of time to be in a relationship with someone. Three years is how long Megan and I dated before we were married. Three years is how long Megan was “healthy” during our relationship. Three years is how old Shelby was when her mother was carted away in an ambulance, on her way to an unknown…
Dormant Memories
If you’ve read Sarah’s Post this past Sunday, then you are aware that she and I (and Shelby) were in Corpus Christi, Texas, over an extended weekend. One of her longest and closest friends was marrying, and Sarah herself was a bridesmaid. In that regards, I wasn’t a widower this past weekend. I was the “second partner” of a widow.