While it is important to stay up to date on all that’s happening in our world right now… it’s very important also to have some days each week that are as close to normal life as possible. Days that are about being out in nature and exploring and laughing and living and maybe forgetting about all of this a little bit. I have to seek the ways I can still live life so that I can lean more into living and lean less into fear, and make sure to do that stuff often.
grief
Their Best Selves in Us
I found this quote last week and it has really stuck in my mind. I feel like I’ve tried so hard just to find myself again since he died that maybe I’ve lost sight of this a little. Continuing on has a way of doing that I guess. When he first died, I was so aware of this idea. The man died for his dreams… literally. He was in a helicopter…
Trigger Tropes
I don’t have much to say today, other than a reminder (and perhaps, a warning to those of you reading that are still in the raw, early stages of your grief) that triggers can appear anywhere at random, no matter how “far out” you may think you are. We’re never truly “free” from our grief. It may fade, in a way. We evolve and learn to…
Drafted into Challenge
20 years ago, I woke up to a screaming drill instructor, chaos, mind games, and effectively running everywhere I went. I lived in a green uniform, seeing no other colors but black, green, and brown for months. I swam in 10 foot deep water with 120 pounds of gear, went 3 days and 48 miles of marching on 4 hours of total sleep (and one meal). I…
Into the Fall
Yesterday was the first day of the year to bring in an autumn cold snap here in Northeast Ohio, along with the remnants of the tropical storm that came through Florida last week. Since I woke yesterday, it’s been a slow, steady dripping rain… the kind where you can still open all the windows and feel the brisk air and hear the gentle drops on…
Heart and Soul
When your heart and soul are just so tired, 5 years in. Not for any particular reason, really. Everything is pretty much the same as it’s always been. Even when life is routine, my spirit is tired. And, yes, life on the road can be routine. Tired from doing and being and all the stuff that comes from living a life that is so achingly and…
Listen to their Hearts
I think I’ve always been interested in the ways that people celebrate or carry on the memory of a loved one throughout their lives. Something last time got me thinking again about this topic. Around this time last year, my new partner Mike took me to see Tom Petty on what ended up being his final tour. It’s not as though I knew this musician…
Fire and Rain and Huge Grief Triggers
So last month, June 14th, was my one-year anniversary with Nick, my new love. My new beginning. My “next great love story.” I never know how to refer to us, but thats another post for another time. I dont like the term “chapter two”, because he deserves way more than a chapter, as did my dead husband Don. But back to the point ……. I just…
Through an Unthinkable Fire
Last Thursday, all of my closest friends flew in from around the country for our annual trip to see each other. Since 2012, when Drew died, we have been making it a point to come from far and wide to spend a weekend together celebrating his life and our friendships. We call it Drewfest, and this year was our sixth year. It was the first year having…
Now What?
With hindsight, I know that there is no way I could have better prepared for what has been required of me since Mike died. Widowhood is something you have to live to fully understand. There is no way to adequately explain this life in words. It is something that has to be experienced first hand to be comprehended. This being the case,…
Waiting in the Wings
This past week was the 6th anniversary of his death. I wrote last week about this, and what would have been our 9th anniversary together the week before. I will always hate that these two dates are a week apart. It’ll always piss me off to have to have my anniversary of celebrating our love so closely linked to when he died. But it is what it is…
The New Stove
Every now and then something seemingly ordinary happens in our widow lives that has so much more meaning. Something that other people would really not think anything of. I had one of these a few weeks ago, when the glass top on our stove cracked. This was a stove that my new person, Mike, and his late-wife, Megan, had in their house for a decade. A…