As Michele posted last fortnight for me, baby Patrick decided to make a rapid and slightly early appearance! Thanks for the comments – I was stuck in hospital without net access to respond! Two Monday’s ago I was getting ready to do my post for last fortnight when things suddenly felt different, so I opted to head to the hospital for…
Compromise and Guilt
Photo: Circus skills class As this pregnancy draws closer to the end, I’ve found myself thinking about how different John’s early childhood’s been from what Ian and I had wanted – particularly what I’ve done and how I’ve engaged with John as a mother. We all have grand plans of the childhood we hope to give our kids. Play…
Learning to Slow Down
I’m naturally a person who likes to have a few things on the go at once. Hence I’m currently combining solo parenting and John’s various activities, studying and a pregnancy, plus involvement at the leadership level of a community organisation. I’d not say I’m making a success of being busy (2 finals this week and I am WAAAAY…
Third Time Round
I’m into year four…Sunday marked the third anniversary of Ian’s passing. And like all other anniversaries so far this year, it wasn’t too bad. There was some sadness which I didn’t have with the other significant dates, but it wasn’t overwhelming, and was shared with friends of ours from church. I had no anxiety which I’ve had with…
It’s June
That means my anniversary run… The 4th marks 4 years since our wedding day. The 11th marks 6 years since we met The 14th marks 3 years since Ian died. Come the 18th, he’ll have been gone loner than I knew him.I was talking to some people at church this week, and found I can easily rattle off how long it’s been since Ian died, but I really…
Fractured Relationsships
In my extended family, there’s another young widow, a suicide survivor. Yesterday, from a distance, I saw the effects of grief on her family and friends when all the disagreements, resentments, anger, frustrations, disappointments and grudges amongst each other exploded on social media. The issues have popped up occasionally, but not to…
My vs Our
Driving to the supermarket last week I had the overwhelming feeling that this baby is very much an addition to our family. To Ian and I’s family. Although in no way is the baby a replacement for Ian, as the pregnancy progresses it feels like Ian is less distant now. There is a feeling of completeness, not end, not ‘over it’, but very much…
Centenary
This week in Australia and New Zealand we are leading up to the centenary of our initial engagement in the First World War at Gallipoli in Turkey, an engagement that for Australia is often considered the birth of the nation. Most of the documentaries, news reports and commemorations surrounding the anniversary are focused on the men who went away…
What’s in a Name…MKII
One of the things I really struggled with in early pregnancy was the idea of having a second boy. I really, really wanted a girl. Not because I outright didn’t want a boy, but because I had absolutely NO idea on a name. Ian and I had a girls name – Claire – agreed from our pregnancy with John, so I wanted a girl so I didn’t have to worry about…
A Rose by any Other Name…
Ok, “rose” isn’t exactly the first term that comes to mind when thinking of widow, but I’ll go with the literary, Shakespearian reference for this post. I could be posting on getting through the third anniversary of Ian getting sick, which coincided with his birthday on St Patrick’s Day. But much to my surprise, that anniversary passed without…
Doppelganger
One issue I’ve found with having a few people having died on me when they were younger is the issue of doppelgängers – people who freakishly look the same. I’ve encountered them for my stepfather as I’m out around my city. Sometimes the right shape from behind, sometimes a glimpse of a profile. But I’ve not yet encountered Ian…
Making Room
I’ve posted in the last couple of months about going through Ian’s things and starting to move stuff onto new homes that can go to new homes, or tossing stuff that can’t be moved on. That’s because there was one thing I couldn’t discard after he died…Our seven frozen embryos, left from our IVF cycles to have John. As part of the IVF process,…