Ian and I never particularly did Valentines day. Although I *like* getting the gifts and stuff, I never felt it a necessity. It’s a more than a bit over-commercialised to me, which is thankfully quite a protective view-point in my after. But the day still holds memories. Some good. Some that trigger a sense of guilt.John was born in the late…
Where’s my death-march Gone?
John turns 4 tomorrow. The lead-up to his birthday has usually marked the beginning of my 4 month long death-march, as the surgery that triggered Ian’s complications and eventual death occurred just 11 days after John’s first birthday (and coincidently, John’s original due date, so 22nd February is a really solid date in my memory). The…
Busy
Well, not actually.And I’m going bonkers.I’ve always been a reasonably mentally busy person, and coped with Ian’s death by keeping up the pace until I was pretty much forced to stop (and then I didn’t pull everything back). But as a student and not working, it’s an annoying time of the year for me. Always has been. The Christmas/New Year’s…
The Long Cycle
I’ve been aware for a few days or so that the anniversary march is starting up for me again. John’s birthday, Surgery day, Illness day, Death day. A long 5 months.This year, although actually a whole lot better at this point than the last two, there have been some bells ringing that I just couldn’t put my finger on.Until a bout of insomnia last…
Profile Picture
This week someone said that it was time to change my Facebook profile picture. My profile picture is the one above of Ian and I from our wedding, the banner picture is our 2011 Christmas Card photo.Changing my profile picture is not something I did that often anyway. I’m a bit ‘set and forget’ that way, but I was taken aback at the blunt…
Consolidating
Before my mum and step-dad passed in 2008, they would often have discussions about the stuff in their farmhouse and outbuildings.My mum would always say “we need to consolidate”, to which my step-dad would reply “you mean throw out”. Yep, that’s exactly what she meant. But he just couldn’t do it, so it never happened and it was left to my…
Next to Me
After Ian died, I adapted back to being in the house as an only adult on my own pretty quickly. I’d lived here on my own for some 6 years before Ian moved in, and he was here for two and a half years. Reverting to a known mode of operation, although unwanted, wasn’t that difficult. Yes I had to factor in care of a toddler, but having to manage…
Another Year Over
Another number away from the “2012” in which Ian died. One thing I read late last year was people doing a ‘word’ for the year, not New Years Resolutions, which seemed a far more sensible way to go than dragging out the perennial resolution that never gets stuck to. The word that stuck out to me at the beginning of the year was Faith. Not religious…
The Beginning to the End
I received the parchment last week for a course I started about 18 months ago. No formal graduation, just a small package in the mail. Additional studies over and above my university studies. It’s the first thing I’ve done from beginning to end since Ian died. Wholly and completely without him. Concept to completion. I started it because…
Attempt at a Christmas Tradition
Sunday marked two and a half years without Ian. The first year, I decided to mark the date with a visit to a iconic local Christmas light display – do something nice with John on the day that we’d done with Ian. It’s something we’ve done each Christmas since. Well, attempted to. This year’s attempt was not as disastrous as last year, but not…
Redecorating
Things around the house are starting to look quite a bit different from when Ian was here. Use of rooms has been shuffled. Furniture re-arranged in various rooms. I got extra kitchen cabinets installed six months after he died – a project Ian had started trying to get quotes for, but was having no luck what so ever. And now there a new paint…
Mummy, Why is Pup Crying?
For today’s post I’m not really writing wearing my ‘widow’ hat, but my ‘mother of young boy’ hat. But I probably wouldn’t have the same perspective on this situation if I were not widowed. This past week a young Australian sportsman, a cricketer, was injured on the field and passed away from a rare brain injury caused by the impact of the…