Saturday morning I woke up with a 103 temperature. So as soon as a reasonable hour hit, I called my parents, asking if they could look after John for the day. On short notice.Again.Yet another thing I hate about widowhood. That sometimes you need to call on assistance to the point where you KNOW it’s impacting others. Maybe asking…
This Woman I Do Not Know
Many have posted all over the net, and here, how the death of Robin Williams has affected them. Their surprise… or degree there of. The loss of his creativity and ability to shower abundant joy on others. Of how his catalogue of work is central to their childhood and youth. The stories of someone who, by the reports, was a kind and generous…
Wow, What a Widow Brain
I had intended to write about the crappiness of turning 40 over the weekend as a widow. How much I wish Ian was here to mark this milestone, and because he’s not, I had no real desire to celebrate or really mark the occasion. But have friends insisting that I do so (so compromised with a very expensive dinner for a small group of friends). But then…
Chicken and Lime
Some of the things I regret around Ian’s death feel exceedingly odd. Nothing about how we managed his care, death or funeral. But not getting his chicken, lime and coconut milk curry recipe out of him… THAT has bugged me beyond belief.That was his signature dish, the one he pulled out when we had company. It’s what he made me the first…
Avoidance
Avoidance has been a common theme for me in my journey.I avoid thinking about or dealing with Ian’s death by overloading myself with work and study.And I’m still doing that to a degree, but I have a counsellor who’s poking and prodding me along the journey of dealing with it all.But now I find I’m avoiding going back into the workforce. I…
Well, that was Ian…
Friday was a mixed day.Great result on one of my subjects.Speeding fine in the mail. My first EVER!! Not a happy camper. On the up-side, many friends & acquaintances seem to go more than I did above the limit – my fine is about half theirs.Ian used to speed all the time. At the time he got sick, Ian had one demerit point left before…
Lost Time
John’s hospital stay threw me out of sync. Not just in terms of the stress that came out of that situation with the additional health implication for him because of Daddy’s illness, but I’ve lost another week of time in my brain… I still feel like I lost a year. Over the weekend our church community celebrated the marriage of two members,…
Not again…
I didn’t get to write last week… I was with my son in our local children’s hospital after he developed an autoimmune thingy. First while being assessed in emergency after some four hours of the usual waiting and it’s 2am, the doctors tell me even though he isn’t a typical presentation they suspect something called Kawasaki’s Disease, and the…
Homeward Run
I’ll keep on the theme Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation has run on their facebook page for International Widows Day – what I’ve achieved since Ian died. Well, working on achieving. One of the big changes I made was to go back to school. I knew my job would end about 12 months after Ian died, and I opted to work towards a change in…
Hello Year Three
I’m struggling writing this week. I know the general gist of what I want to say, but some of it keeps seeming harsh, uncaring, like I’m an insensitive bitch. Because it’s about the relief and positivity I’ve figured out I find in Ian’s death anniversary. This past weekend was the second anniversary of Ian’s passing. And although it may sound…
Plot Point
One of the things I’ve maintained since Ian died is a theatre subscription with a couple of friends. It gives me an opportunity to flex the grey-matter and escape to other worlds. Over the weekend I went to a show I’d been looking forward too in terms of performer and composer. It was a short, caberet style show and was a fantastic showcase for…
June
I’ve been trying to delay the onset of June. For example, I spent a couple of weeks writing appointments in the wrong week of May; a couple of weeks early. But the calendar has flipped, and it’s my month of anniversaries. June 4, marks Ian and I’s third wedding anniversary. The 11th will be 5 years since we first met. The 14th is his…