I’ve been trying to delay the onset of June.   For example, I spent a couple of weeks writing appointments in the wrong week of May; a couple of weeks early.  But the calendar has flipped, and it’s my month of anniversaries.

 June 4, marks Ian and I’s third wedding anniversary.

 

The 11th will be 5 years since we first met.

 

The 14th is his second angelversary.  On to year three of widowhood.  

Widowhood is this weird time-warp. 

I find I’m losing time.  I have to think about how many years it is for meeting and wedding anniversaries.  I’ve felt for a while that “year one” of widowhood is a ‘missing year’.  I am often out a year when thinking about the happy anniversaries.

But feel a whole lot older – I feel like I’m older and spent the first couple of birthdays since Ian died adding a year.  Maybe I should do it again this year and skip the whole ’40th’ thing.

During this last week I finally called up and made an appointment with a counsellor.  I grabbed the day/time she had available that fitted with my uni and child care schedule.  I wasn’t even conscious of the date when I made the appointment but when I flipped the calendar, I’ve booked it for the 4th.  

I suppose it’s a good sign that the date has aligned.