Sometimes I wonder, is life harder because I have been widowed or would have been just as hard in different ways if I had never been widowed? It’s a question I think on when I have long talks with friends who aren’t widowed, who are going through their own complex lives… complete with blended, divorced families and step kids or uncertainty in…
new life
Thanks Death, Now I Have To…
This image perfectly sums up my post for today. There are times in our life when our path to somewhere ends, and from that moment on, we have to begin making decisions for another journey. We have to decide to stay on the shore, at the end of that life, or wade out into the unknown and swim toward some unknown future, trusting we will be able to…
One Way Rider
It’s incredible what a song can do. I was driving home tonight, emotions already welling up in me. Moving in with Mike is probably one of the most bittersweet things to happen in my life since Drew died. And I hate that. I was over at my place picking up a few things, walking around outside for a moment in the quiet of the evening, and a great…
Breathing In and Breathing Out
I’m batting jet-lag to write my blog today, so I apologise in advance for any typos (or any more than usual!) and if I ramble on a bit. I got home to Brisbane, Australia on a red-eye flight from the USA this morning, after three weeks away. It was a wonderful holiday, with the highlight being Camp Widow West in San Diego, however I reeeeeally…
Strange New World
Thursday was my third wedding anniversary. This one felt slightly different to the previous two, however it was still as sad. The night before, I stayed at my boyfriend’s place and when we went to bed it all caught up with me. I couldn’t believe that this time three years ago I was spending the night with my bridesmaids, getting ready to…
Changing the Walls
Yesterday, we painted a wall. To me, this was no ordinary wall, this was the last major wall in the downstairs of Mike’s house to change since Megan died. Now, when you look through the living room, dining and kitchen, all of it has a totally new color scheme from when she was living. Which leads me to talk about a very touchy aspect of…
A New Beginning
I’m at a strange and new phase in my grief. My third wedding anniversary is looming on Thursday (all of which I’ve had to mark without Dan, because he died before we had the chance to celebrate one together). This is a time that is usually difficult and emotional. However… my whole compass for what is ‘normal’ in this world without him has…
Making Plans Anyway
This morning I’m sitting some fifteen feet up in the air surrounded by woods, near the northern border of Arkansas, and it seems no accident that the book I brought with me to read is titled “The Gifts of Imperfection”. A few days ago, Mike and I made the 14 hour drive down to Eureka Springs. Why? To stay in a treehouse cottage, which has always…
The Family I Never Knew I Needed
I spent last weekend in Melbourne with about a dozen very dear friends. These women have only been in my life for a couple of years now, however it feels like I’ve known them my whole life. They see my soul, in its most bare and vulnerable state, a way that people who have known my most of my life will never understand. These are my widow…
Taking Another Step Forward
I’m exhausted. I’ve been packing, cleaning, sorting and lugging boxes all day, actually no – for weeks now. My bones ache, my feet are sore and I’m typing this through bleary eyes. On Monday morning, two guys in a van will be pulling into the driveway of my big family home, filling it with all my precious possession and moving me into my new…
The Accidental Mother, Part 2
I have the ironic honor of always writing on Mother’s Day, being the Sunday writer here at Widow’s Voice. Ironic because it always forces me to evaluate my feelings about a holiday I have mostly chosen not to celebrate since my own mother died when I was young. I hate this day, or at least, I mostly always have. But this post isn’t about that.
1000 days
Dear Dan, This week we reached another milestone, albeit not exactly a traditional one. On Tuesday, it had been 1000 days since I kissed you goodbye. The reason I know this is because I put a ‘countdown’ ap on my phone after you died, so I’d always know how many months, weeks or days since you’d been gone. Isn’t that a strange thing to want to…