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suddenly widowed

The Meaning of Teeth

July 13, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

Sometimes I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I’ve had that recurring thought/feeling quite often recently. It will hit me when I’m doing routine tasks like brushing my teeth or vacuuming. Like a big internal sigh. It all seems meaningless sometimes. I just couldn’t quite put my finger on that feeling. How to describe it without…

Filed Under: Widowed Suddenly Tagged With: Meaning, stephanie vendrell, suddenly widowed, purpose

Soul Searching

June 8, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

I saw my therapist today, for the first time in about two years, we figured. She was the one who first helped begin to lift me out of the fog in those early weeks and months after Mike’s death. She knows my story, knows me. I had been thinking of her a lot this year, with all the issues and decisions I am facing, and low and behold, I literally ran…

Filed Under: Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Suddenly, Miscellaneous Tagged With: moving, family, stephanie vendrell, decisions, life changes, suddenly widowed

Killer Lonliness

June 1, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

Last week in my nutrition course we heard some amazing lectures about Blue Zones. If you don’t know what Blue Zones are, they are communities in various places around the globe that share common lifestyle and environmental factors that contribute to their populations being among the longest-lived and healthiest on the planet. These areas were first…

Filed Under: Widowed Therapy, Widowed Community, Widowed Suddenly, Miscellaneous Tagged With: community, support, stephanie vendrell, sharing, middle age, suddenly widowed, lonliness

Ripped Open

May 25, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

I had another series of thoughts planned for this week, but it will have to wait. The tragedy in Manchester just has me reeling. So many young girls lost, so many families in the horror of that grief right now.  So many girls that will never grow up, never get married, never have families, never experience all that their lives had promised. So…

Filed Under: Widowed Suddenly, Miscellaneous Tagged With: love, stephanie vendrell, suddenly widowed, Scars, terror attack

Smiling Through the Tears

May 18, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

I don’t really have anything particular to write about this week. No news on the house, work is going, school is going.   In the middle of it all, I am feeling that ring of sadness around it all. Sad that my life has changed so much as a result of losing Mike, sad that he isn’t here to share it with anymore, sad that my future will not include…

Filed Under: Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Miscellaneous Tagged With: middle age, suddenly widowed, moving, gratitude, stephanie vendrell, decisions

The Public Face

May 11, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

I have a dear friend here in Kona who recently lost her mother. She was a new friend when Mike died, but had met him, and after discovering we were both writers we decided to get together every so often to write and support each other. She has since become a good friend who saw the rawness of my grief right there in the beginning, but since I’ve…

Filed Under: Widowed Milestones, Widowed Suddenly, Miscellaneous Tagged With: middle age, suddenly widowed, moving, job, stephanie vendrell, working

Clickety-Clack

May 4, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

Remember as a kid when you would hold your hand out the car window and float it up and down in the wind? As a kung fu guy, Mike would play with the wind the same way, with the same joy as that child riding in the car. I have a hard time describing how that large man would seem to float effortlessly in the air, twirling, kicking, jumping, his arms…

Filed Under: Widowed, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly Tagged With: young widow, triggers, stephanie vendrell, suddenly widowed, sounds

Talking to Mike

April 20, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

Whether or not there is a belief in God or an afterlife, I would bet that many widowed people talk to their lost loves. The first few months after Mike died I remember that horrific, heart-clenching, shattering new reality that he was not there to talk to anymore. But as time went on I just started talking to him anyway. Sometimes I yelled at him…

Filed Under: Widowed, Widowed Suddenly Tagged With: young widow, stephanie vendrell, suddenly widowed, limbo, talking

Mean Dreams

April 13, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

I had a dream about Mike last week. I hear some widowed people bemoan the fact that they never dream of their loved one…but these dreams are not always happy. I wish we could all visit with them in all our dreams every night, dancing happily through the fields of neverwhere together, able to talk to them and laugh with them. But not all dreams…

Filed Under: Widowed, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Miscellaneous Tagged With: dreams, stephanie vendrell, suddenly widowed, young widow, grief

Grown Up Problems

March 23, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

Mike was never good at dealing with grown up problems. He truly did have a childlike spirit – that was sometimes fun, and sometimes frustrating. When it came to taxes, phone calls, fixing things, filling out forms, and bigger worries, he was often useless. I did most of all that. And when he died…well, widowed people understand all the…

Filed Under: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Suddenly Tagged With: family, stephanie vendrell, suddenly widowed, young widow, memories, moving

Mixed Emotions

March 9, 2017 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

After two and a half months in Virginia helping my family through a medical crisis, I am finally back in Kona for a few final months. Kona, Hawaii, where I moved with my late husband in 2001. This magical, special and most beautiful place where we made so many memories.Mike is here. His spirit will always be here, to me, even as I take a part of…

Filed Under: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Suddenly Tagged With: changes, stephanie vendrell, suddenly widowed, young widow, moving, family

Home Is Not a House

December 8, 2016 by Stephanie Vendrell Leave a Comment

I’ve lived in lots of places in my life so far. I was born in Maryland and raised in Arlington, Virginia until I was 6, at which time we moved to nearby McLean. I attended Georgetown University in Washington, DC and lived on campus there, moving each year, in the dorms and residential housing. After college I moved back in with my parents, and then…

Filed Under: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Suddenly Tagged With: widowed, changes, stephanie vendrell, suddenly widowed, young widow, moving, family

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