Four hundred and eight days after Tony died, we finally mowed the lawn ourselves. With Memorial Day last weekend, we were out of town as were my neighbors who’ve been mowing our grass for us. Last summer, I didn’t even pretend like I wanted us to take that task on. I didn’t pull the mower […]
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Find Your Sanctuary
Life is hard. Widowed life is hard. Sometimes things happen in life that really have nothing to do with my widowhood, but they are just “life” things that happen and that are stressful, and because I am widowed, my perspective on these things and how I handle them and cope with them is different – […]
The Potential of the Infinite Empty
Each of us has a unique journey. Sometimes it can feel infinitely hard, sometimes infinitely lonely but I have found that the infinite space isn’t showing us how empty our lives are, it’s showing us we have the gift to fill our universe indefinitely. I came to this understanding through a lot of self-reflection and […]
No more life lessons, please.
I saw this TikTok the other day that made me go: “YES” (it was one of those that I repost on Instagram because I do not fully understand TikTok). In case you don’t want to watch it, the soundbite says, “I don’t want to learn any more life lessons! My character is developed! Go away!” […]
Life Digresses
Suddenly, to my mild surprise, things are popping on my end that involve potentially life-altering changes. Suddenly there are unavoidable matters at hand that I must attend to without distraction or delay. Unfortunately, as a result, this means that for one week I must defer sharing my widower observations and feelings with you. My apologies […]
The Introvert in Grief
An Underground River of Loneliness A yellow phone similar to this one – the wall version – hung in my kitchen for more than twenty years. In the age of invention, the wall model could be fitted with an extra long cord that stretched through the doorway allowing dish washing, eyes on kids, and baby […]
Swimming Me Home
Photos my own A few weeks ago, I was on a Swim Trek holiday in Mallorca, putting in some training for my “big swim” planned for the middle of July – crossing the Lac Léman/Lake Geneva at its widest point (13 km – a smidge over 8 miles). I do want to do it. Really, […]
Long Lake Weekend
Long weekends can be hard on us. While I love the time away from work and extra time with my kids, the hole in our lives is more readily evident. So, this weekend I accepted an invitation to stay with friends at their lake house. There were two houses packed to the gills. 11 adults […]
But wait, there’s more!!!
The other day I ran into somebody that I havent seen since literally my teenage years. It was somebody I went to school with, but not somebody I knew well. It was at the gas station, and we were both at the pumps getting gas, and she recognized me and said hello. Then came the […]
Fun in Funeral?
I booked the flight for Clayton’s funeral last night. It’s bothering me because a funeral isn’t supposed to be 4 years after someone passes. The celebration of life we had originally planned was put on pause and so has a lot of my growing through grief. Searching for flights and making travel arrangements didn’t cause […]
Summer Solstice
Summer solstice. Winter solstice. The longest and shortest days of the year in the northern hemisphere. When I imagine the four seasons, I often will envision the face of a round clock, Summer representing the number twelve and Winter representing its opposite number, six. June and December. Six and twelve on […]
THINKING ABOUT
BRAVERY What does it mean to be brave? Definition of bravery 1 : the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty : the quality or state of being brave : courage showing bravery under fire. As I write I am on the doorstep of the Memorial Day […]