Which Direction? Which Decision? Being lost is not new to me. My inner navigation plan is usually this: If you think you should turn right, it is highly likely you should turn left. Truth. I admire those who have a born sense of direction—like my husband. The kids often tell tales of being on a […]
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Witnessing Deep, Rich Love, Sorrow and Pain in Others
Image by Whoislimos on Unsplash I spent some deeply touching moments, minutes, hours yesterday evening, during my shift at the hospice. We have a beautiful new resident. She is a true beauty. Glorious skin and hair. Luminous eyes. Not so many people who are nearing their final days are graced with such luxuriant beauty. She […]
Peaceful Moments
I can’t really tell you why but after a tough few weeks, I’m feeling a little better. I don’t feel like a dam of emotions is ready to burst at any moment. The tears aren’t hiding just below the surface ready to erupt. Sometimes it’s easy to tell why we are riding a new wave […]
Loving Humans is Hard
It has now been almost 3 months since my husband Nicks double bypass surgery. The doctors all say that the recovery process is lengthy, even more so for a diabetic, and that it may be 6 months to a year before he feels energetic and active and fully “well” again. His numbers are great, as […]
The Fine Art of Inoculation
I’ve been anxious about this fall season marking the one year anniversary when life as I’d known it for nearly 30 years profoundly changed with the swift and unexpected passing of my husband, Rich. I fully anticipated and understood that the period between early October and the 28th of this month would be a […]
Remembering the fun.
Sometimes I get so caught up in the sadness, shock, and trauma of Boris’s death that I forget how much fun we had. The memories that flood my brain are often of fights or things I should have said or should have done differently. Regret and “what ifs” are common. And, I think because of […]
Cast Adrift
September 25th was Mallory’s birthday. Mallory is Andy’s daughter and Lee’s youngest great niece. Mallory’s brother, Tobey, is a year older. I sent her timely birthday wishes thanks to a special occasions list that Lee created, which I first came across after she passed. These days I try to keep up with birthdays, anniversaries and […]
Caring for Ourselves . . .
. . . an aid for all in trauma or grief The bad news is that trauma is a fact of life. The good news is it does not have to be a life sentence. […]
The Comfort – and Wisdom – of Denial
Main image by Quliyeva Efsane on Unsplash I have been reflecting on Denial. I realise that I have come to value, appreciate, love and respect Denial. Not as a blanket approach to life, but as a bit of a cosy corner to hide away in from time to time. Or even longer periods of […]
Missing Him Until My End
We grieve because we love and lost our person. Until I was grieving, I didn’t really understand the depths of my love and how much space is carved in my heart for Tony. This week I’ve been grappling with the realization that I will miss him for the rest of my life. It’s something I’ve […]
Camp Widow, sort of
So i cant make it to Camp Widow Toronto this year, for various money reasons and life reasons. For the first time since I started doing my presentation at the Camp Widow events, I will not be there to participate or to present this time. Nick and I will be in Tampa for Camp Widow […]
Some days I still can’t believe it.
Sometimes it still takes my breath away. The realization that he is gone. That he is never coming back. That one minute he was here, and the next he was not here. It still stops me in my tracks sometimes. Days can come and go, and he is always on my mind, but most days […]