and hope . . . Looking out my window before dawn I witness evidence of surviving grief. Abstract but authentic proof of something deep inside that insists upon living fully alive. Twinkle lights. Twinkle lights bordering the walls of a secret garden. In the Year of our Lord, two thousand twenty one […]
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Deeply, Genuinely Happy
Main image by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash It’s not the kind of thing that we go around saying, is it? At least not the Brits. At least not most Western Europeans. And at least not on a regular, ongoing basis. Sure – we hear people say it, we might say it ourselves, when something specific […]
Teaching Gifting
This was my second Mother’s Day as a solo parent, and I found it didn’t have the same rawness as last year when I was weeks into mourning. I found myself able to smile more and enjoy our families. Last weekend I took the boys shopping for me. They enjoyed pushing the cart through Target, […]
Sammy is Gone
This is pretty much what I wrote on Facebook this morning, with a few added thoughts. I just do not have the energy to put thoughts to words right now. My Sammy is gone on this Mothers Day. Woke up super early this morning with “that feeling” that I needed to go and check on […]
Widowed Whiplash
I haven’t had much downtime lately. Life is just moving at a very rapid pace and yesterday my body decided we were in desperate need of a red light and slammed on the brakes. I was at work feeling sluggish after a night of thunderstorms and random coughing keeping me up. Not unmanageable, but on […]
Love has Paws
Dear Kitty Cat, What a silly name your dad gave you. I tried to convince him to choose a more creative name, but he was settled on Kitty Cat. Now, I couldn’t imagine you having any other name. And I could not imagine life without you, though I know all too well how fragile that […]
Hangdog
I am feeling a little blue the past couple of days. There is no specific cause. Indeed, I would describe the feeling as being mostly a sense impression. I know that I have felt the blues at times in my life, yet, fortunately, by nature I am a happy-go-lucky sort of guy. Thus, I always […]
Reflections about Grief
in the deep waters of the Pacific The mystery of dark blue-black ocean water is enticing and hypnotic—it pulls me in. The ocean’s power reminds me of grief. My Love, you were with me as I spent my birthday on the rough waters of the sea with thousands of these creatures beneath, before, and […]
Humdrum and Bittersweet
Image by Robin Lyon on Unsplash As I reflect on what to write about this weekend – which is what I do when nothing immediately springs out at me – it’s about how used I have become to having complexity in my life. Sometimes I get to the end of the day when I journal […]
Reflecting on my April
Like everyone’s favorite Justin Timberlake meme, It’s Gonna Be May. Technically, it’s May 2nd but you know what I mean. And if it’s May, then that means I did it. I made it through April. Feels like there is a lot to reflect on over the last 30 days. I relived his last days and […]
The Inner Struggle
Sundays are my writing days here. Sometimes, on a Sunday, I get up and make my coffee, and sit down to write, and the words just flow. I know what I want to say, and I write it, and all is well in widow blog-land. Then there are days like today. Theres nothing I have […]
The Grief Cap
“Can I buy you a new cap?” “No thank you.” “Can you afford a new cap?” “Yes I can. Thank you.” “Do you know people might judge you because of how your cap looks?” “I like the worn look. It represents my well-lived life. Thank you for your concern.” “Do you know you look homeless […]