The course of time is told by the passing of both soft and coarse sands. Some experiences feel gentle and powder fine while others sting and erode me in these whipping widowed winds. Five. How is it already five years since you’ve been gone? How is it that I didn’t know if I’d make it […]
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Taking Stock
The last time I visited Deer Tick Manor was this past November, just after the Thanksgiving holiday, for the annual rite of closing the place for the winter season. While Lee was alive, we would return at least once during the winter months to check on the place, a visit we typically dovetailed either with […]
He Used to Say . . .
We Were His Only Need He used to say that his heart would take him in the end, that husband of mine—the brave hearted man, father and mentor, friend to many; he used to say that we were all that mattered to him. He laid down his life for us by driving countless miles to […]
Five Years, Five Minutes, Five Decades
My Sweet Mystery (*) Today is five years since you died. In that time, there have been so many difficult, painful, traumatic events. Exacerbating your not-here-ness. The things I would have to catch you up on. Though I presume you know it all anyway, and are shaking your head in disbelief. Wars – always ongoing, […]
Grief and Karaoke
Going through grief is like singing karaoke in a bar. I know, you’re probably thinking this is ridiculous. Admittedly, I had this idea after a few vodka tonics, but I want to play this out. Saturday night our elementary school hosted an adult only trivia night. Afterwards, a large group of parents decided to go […]
Furry Children Evolution
When I met Don Shepherd in a music chat room on AOL back in 1998, he was a single man living in a tiny apartment in Largo, Florida, with his cat Isabelle. Its safe to say he loved that cat more than he loved most things, and me being a part of his life was […]
Just a pile of ash
The conversation of letting Clayton’s ashes go came up last week. His uncle was going to drive them up to where Clayton asked to be buried. So after 5 years I handed him over. I had lots of messages of support and messages suggesting ways I could keep some of Clayton’s ashes to hold on […]
4 years
April 7th marks 4 years since I saw Boris alive. And, it still feels like, how can this be? I have been listening to Maren Morris’s new album and she has this song about someone she loves dying and imagining what the world would do without them. I know the sun will set into the […]
Whistling Past the Graveyard
As I wrote last week, I attended the Covid-belated life celebration of an old friend. Other old friends attended, so the event turned into a bit of a reunion for us. People took the opportunity to catch up, which at this stage in our lives seems mainly to center on personal health, children, and grandchildren. […]
ONE WIDOW’s ABC’s
FROM THE CAMP WIDOW EXPERIENCE A – ALLOWING myself to need help was harder to do than one might think. It allowed me to receive. B – BY the time I arrived at my second camp, it was not long before I found a familiar face and a warm hug. C – CARING for myself […]
Invisible Grief Analysis in the Cinema
Image by Kyle Head on Unsplash One of the independent cinemas I go to has a wonderful range of premieres, at which any combination of the film director, producer, key actors, etc, are present afterwards for reflection and discussion. I love it. The two people from the cinema who manage the process are articulate, witty, […]
Because…April…
This week I turned the calendar to April and that means I’m facing a list of lasts we shared with Tony. The last time his closest friend came over to share a whiskey. The last Friday night steak he cooked us. The last time he sang happy birthday to any of our children. The […]