Widow's Voice

Reflections about Grief

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in the deep waters of the Pacific

Photo courtesy of Matt Hardy via unsplash.com

The mystery of dark blue-black ocean water is enticing and hypnotic—it pulls me in.

The ocean’s power reminds me of grief.

 

My Love, you were with me as I spent my birthday on the rough waters of the sea with thousands of these creatures beneath, before, and around the boat. 

My adventure at sea included losing my car keys, for a time, which got me home after 9:30pm and I did not make it back to the blog to report on the day. As I type here I realize I am here now. I am here now. That’s what counts.

You were the balance to my perfectionism and rule following. Are you reminding me that I am “enough” in this moment? 

two common dolphins leaping

The ocean reminds me to BE in this moment.

It reminds me to LIVE in the present.

The beauty of the ocean compels me to BE HERE NOW.

Just a few of many lessons from the sea.

photo of Dan Neff

My life will never be the same without this guy—but I am still alive and thank God that I am grateful for this life.

I want to live, learn, and grow. I want to discover more of the world, even the small world of my own backyard.

I want to continue to grow into the person I am meant to be, which means uncovering my own biases, disbeliefs, and blindness.

I want to honor the fifty-one plus years we shared by being whole, healthy, and happy in this new life.

We will always do this together, my love, because you are too much a part of me to ever be fully apart.

Courtesy of KC Welch via unsplash.com

 

 

 

 

 

About Kathie Neff

Kathie Neff was widowed on April 15, 2021. She and her beloved husband, Dan, were high school sweethearts and enjoyed dancing and riding horses together. They lived in gratitude, hope and forgiveness for 50 years and nine months when Dan passed quietly late at night, surrounded by their seven children who, with Kathie, were caring for him in their family home.

Dan and Kathie have been a part of Camp Widow and Soaring Spirits International since its inception, as members of Michele Neff Hernandez’s cadre of helpers from the Neff family.

Kathie believes strongly in the strength and bond that is the gift of community and brings a heart of love for all who have been affected by death and dying.

Long live love. XO