Widow's Voice

Teaching Gifting

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This was my second Mother’s Day as a solo parent, and I found it didn’t have the same rawness as last year when I was weeks into mourning. I found myself able to smile more and enjoy our families.

Last weekend I took the boys shopping for me. They enjoyed pushing the cart through Target, while I maintained a safe distance. Each kid picked out two things that they thought I would like. After, they scanned it all through the self-checkout, my middle one came over to me to let me know that they were ready for me to swipe. My oldest loaded the goodies into the back of the car and returned the cart. They hauled the load into the house, signed the cards and kept it all hidden in the spare room for the next week.

Yesterday, the boys were so excited to present me with my new treasures.

Tony and I were never big gift givers. We always bought what we wanted for ourselves so there wasn’t much to gift when birthdays and holidays rolled around. In hindsight, I think we did each other a dis-service. There is something special about finding that right gift for the people you love. We forgot as we got older and comfortable in our marriage. We just never made a point to have the kids pick out presents for our family.

After watching their excitement, I am looking forward to instilling this skill in them. I think they would enjoy picking out small gifts for each other on birthdays and Christmas.
Admittedly, taking them shopping while I kept my distance was a little chaotic. There were fights over who got to push the cat when, but it was worth it. I will however, set a budget next time! That’s the next shopping skill they will need to work on.

What the boys picked out

Parenting solo is hard work. There is no sounding board, idea bouncer, or someone to dissent with. Every decision we make starts and ends with us. So, when you know you got something right, without question, it feels good.

I hope that my widow community had a Happy Mother’s Day.

I see all of you. The mother’s raising their kids alone. The father’s raising their kids alone. The pet parents loving those fur (or reptile) babies. The parents who have children that have passed. And the widows who never got the chance to become parents with their person, I see you too. I hope yesterday was kind and gentle to you all.

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 42 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 8 and 12. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.