Sometimes I am surprised by moments that heal my in ways I never imagined on this journey of loss. I met Mike because I lost Drew. And I met his daughter Shelby because of that too. And because they lost a wife and mother. And here we are, this new little family sort of scrapped together from the pieces of past lives. There are more pieces too……
widowhood and moving forward
Traveler’s Remorse
Two weeks traveling abroad in the Brazilian Amazon! How amazing! So exciting! I have never traveled out of the country besides Cancun, Mexico so this was a huge step outside my comfort zone. I haven’t had an actual vacation since Tin passed so this would be a break for me to soak up the experience and take the much earned downtime to recharge.I…
Live Forward
In less than one month it will be three years since Mike died. With time and a lot of processing, the truth of his death has slowly leached into every cell of my body. And, despite my initial rebellion against his death, my heart is finally no longer resisting what my mind understands. Mike is gone. He died. Even now, it is unthinkable…
What’s hard for Two Widowed People in Love: Card Canceling
Today Mike and I are writing together about a topic that our Friday writer Kelley asked about recently. Most people assume it is easier to be in a relationship with another widowed person when you are widowed. And it’s true, a lot of things are simplified when you understand each other’s loss. Kelley was curious to know what some of the specific…
My Aliveness
It is not just his deadness, it’s my aliveness that weighs heavy on my Soul. In a month and one day, it will be exactly three years since Mike died. And, this year, it is not only his deadness that is gutting me, it is more… Mike is dead. That sentence is awful to read. Beyond awful really. And, it is terrible to type. But, I…
Sudden Death Shadows
Well, I made it through the long three days of Mike being out of town for work the other week. He made sure to text or call at every turn so that I knew he was safe – which helped so much to keep the panic at bay a bit. So no, he didn’t die. Much to my relief. Although I will say, the whole ordeal of having to cope with my new person on a work trip…
Diagnoses Date
We all know the dreaded dates. The anniversary of their death, birthdays, togetherness anniversaries, holidays but there’s one more on my list that adds another dark mark on my year – His diagnosis date.Tin just felt off like he had the flu or something. No strange symptoms. No sudden pains. Just an off feeling. He did complain that he felt…
The Wings of the Widowed
I can easily say that I do not reach out to Tin’s mother and family as much as I should. I want to speak with them but it’s hard for me and I feel like I am the immediate reminder, that I trigger all of the grief for them. These widowed weights on my shoulders press down hard at times. It’s a double-edged burden. I want to speak with them but…
Morbid Advantage
Today is Sarah’s birthday. Not Megan’s, not Drew’s. It’s not Mother or Father’s day, or an anniversary. It’s a day where the focus is squarely on her, and not shared with those who are no longer here. Or, at least it’s not supposed to be. The rub of it is that I’m a widower. Sarah’s a widow. Damn near every experience…
Wreckage
Part of me died with him. And, surprisingly, a big part of me survived his death. This part of me is fighting to live forward. Since early on, I have chosen to focus on the living part of me. The part of me that was not buried with Mike. Sure, absolutely, I miss the person I used to be, but the life in which that woman existed died with…
Engagement from Two Sides
Today is a beginning of sorts. For the past few years, Mike and I have written for Soaring Spirits on separate days and will be moving to sharing Sundays now. For anyone who doesn’t know our story, we are both widowed and now engaged to one another. We met in Tampa at Camp Widow in 2015 and have been dating since. The idea to share a day seemed…
Something New
Some of you who read here often might know that our Tuesday writer Mike and I are both widowed and in a relationship together. For the past few years, often times we are found to be writing about finding love again after being widowed and what it’s like to be in a new relationship as widowed people – both the good stuff and the hard stuff about…