Tomorrow my daughter Rachael-Grace and I leave on our 6 month Nothin’ But Love tour. It will be quite an experience for both of us, filled with every emotion of the alphabet as we honor and remember my husband/her dad, meet people along the way and hear their stories, offer workshops to women around the country and, well, who knows what else. …
widowed moving forward
Routine
Ian used to call me Sheldon, as in Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. In order to keep up with the housework and household management, I followed a routine through a website. And it worked pretty well for me for years and years. To the point I’d get antsy if it wasn’t followed. Heck, I got antsy if he mopped the house from the back door to…
Turning Pain into Love
In 2012, when his death was so fresh, I needed to talk. About the pain, the fear, the agony, the anger, the loss, the accident, the future we will not have, the children we won’t raise, the wedding we won’t share… all of it. I wanted to crawl out of my skin with all the pain. I talked and cried almost every single day to someone about my pain. I…
Hope
Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent. ~Mignon McLaughlin It’s a new year and, with that, I’d like to rewind to the beginning years of Michael’s death. I dreaded a new year. One in which he hadn’t lived. He hadn’t existed. A year in which I couldn’t even refer to the year before of him being…
Hello 2014
A new year. Bringing hopes and dreams for a year brighter than the last. I remember the first new year after Greg died. I did not want it to happen. I hated the passage of time. I did not want to welcome a year in which Greg had never lived. Back in Ye Olden Days (ie – before we had children), we had a tradition of going up to a house near a…
8
12.23.13 Today marks 8. 8 years since the most remarkable man chose me to spend the rest of his life with….and he did…if only for a year and a half in flesh. I prepped the night before…jotting down what great deeds I would do, not only in commemoration of this special day, but the people and universe that surround and house the spirit and…
The Path
Things are softening. Memories that used to have razor edges that sliced me from the inside are hazier and the edges don’t leave as much damage as they used to. Talking about him often results in a smile almost as much as tears. Most of the time it’s both. And the tears are a bittersweet love story not a fathomless depth of blackness. The idea…
Goodbye for now
Two writers stepping down in one week?!? First it was Melinda. Now, it’s my turn. This is very bittersweet for me. I am so incredibly thankful for the platform that Michele has given me to open up my heart and share my journey. I have learned so much just from watching my life unfold in my own words and processing through it, as well as reading…
“And Then..” Part 2
Well friends… my time has come. I am retiring from widow’s voice. Today is my last blog. I’ve been thinking about quitting for a couple of months now. I couldn’t figure out why I wanted to quit something that has always brought me such relief and peace. While talking to a friend about not writing anymore, he said “The…
(not so) Ordinary Life
And so the countdown begins… In 56 hours or less (not that I’m counting or anything), I will be holding a new little life in my arms. One small person I helped create. One tiny little reminder of what life is really all about. My sweet little baby boy has no idea what his life represents already in this world. In a place that can be so cold,…
Running Away ……
…… or moving forward? I could use the trite saying, “You be the judge”, but I don’t really care to hear any judgements. Go figure. I’m back in NY. The place where, at this point in my life, I love to be. The place where, at this point in my life, I feel happy. The place where, at this point in my life, I feel at home.This will be the first…
Ready. For now.
After hitting the 3 year mark on Saturday, I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Grief never really leaves, but I think the experience alone in a new place, along with the fear that I might have the baby before I got to properly grieve and get through the week left me scared and hurting in new and different ways. But, like…