⌛️ It has been 842 days, 13 hours, and 41 minutes. Roughly 2 years, 3 months, and 22 days. But the trauma, the slow agonizing torture, started for me more than five years ago with his terminal brain cancer diagnosis. It blindsided us. If your person was ill for a while, you know what I […]
healing
How far have I come?
Where am I headed? The word journey is a funny word. It seems to speak of both time and distance. How far does one travel on the path of grief? Where exactly are we “going”? From 2021 to the present, my journey loosely followed this trajectory: –Year One was a fog; I went […]
Home & The Heart
I’ve written about it quite a few times these past few years, but moving across the country really did a number on me. I don’t think – scratch that – I KNOW I was in no way prepared for how difficult it would be to leave Texas. I have a love affair with my state that runs very deep. I have gone through some of the hardest but most meaningful…
Finding Myself Somewhere New
Mindfulness has always been something important to me, in one way or another. Usually, art and creativity have been my way of being mindful – my form of meditation. In the first few years after Drew’s death, I created deeply mindful photographs which helped me reach that meditative space. I don’t think I knew it at the time, but they created a…
Life Getting in the Way
It’s not exactly a secret that sometimes, I just can’t foresee a good subject for my weekly writings here.  I’ll pine over ideas to see if they spark something, thinking about if there were any milestones, anniversaries, or triggers in the past week.  More often than not, I’ll find a nugget of something and expand upon it, and sometimes,…
Mother’s Day – A Year in Review
(So, I wrote this last year on Mother’s Day.  I tried and tried to write this week, and the more i did so, the more it read just like the below.  So instead, I’ve decided to re-post it, with an update on what has changed, a year later.  A year further from losing Megan, and another year growing with Sarah. I’ve underlined in parenthesis my…
Ticking Clock
I vividly remember logging onto Facebook and staring at his messenger icon hoping he would come online. That it was all a misunderstanding and it wasn’t real. Last active… The hours ticked over into days, then into weeks. Now it has almost been 11 months. Remembering it as though it were yesterday. Today I still feel the longing, waiting and…
Stepping out of the Vacuum
Hi all, I’m filling in for Kelley today since she is at Camp Widow Toronto. She’ll be back with us next week! Until then, I’m sitting down to write who-knows-what to you, on the fly. I suppose the first thing that comes to mind right now is community. It’s been on my mind all morning. Not only am I missing Camp Widow Toronto, and all the…
Dew Drops and Sunshine
This week I have been filled with and unexpected strength, I have still cried almost every day but I feel strong within myself for the first time in a long time. I’ve struggled with insomnia since December. Generally waking two or three times a night. It probably doesn’t help that I don’t usually go to be till around 11 and with continuous…
My Happiness List
Over the weekend I attended John’s son’s swimming lesson. He jumped off the diving board for the first time. Every first brings with it pride for my children along with the inevitable thought, John is missing out or we are missing out on experiencing this first with him. Whichever way you look at it, it’s unfair that he is not here. I left…
The Winds of You
This past week, I dug up all my old journals from boxes and drawers to photograph for my grief e-course I am building. In the course, we will spend a week writing about our grief, and so I decided to go back through my own journals to look for examples of some of the raw emotions I have captured since this journey began. One of the things we talk…
Rebuilding Together
Our awesome Friday writer, Kelley Lynn, is having some technical difficulties today while attending Camp Widow West, so she’s asked me to write something in her place. I didn’t hesitate to help her out, even though I have other work to be writing on this morning that I’m actually a bit behind schedule on! Now, this got me thinking about the…