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alison miller

One Word

October 31, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

I was asked recently to speak at an AA meeting in my old community in NJ. I’ll be traveling there at the end of this week. It’s been 3 years since I’ve connected with family and friends there. Family and friends who knew Chuck, who knew me when I was with Chuck. Memories will hit hard. I’m not trying to set myself up for that; I’m merely…

Filed Under: Widowed Emotions, Miscellaneous Tagged With: alison miller, widowed travels, gratitude, grit and grace

To My Beloved Husband

October 10, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

To my beloved husband, Chuck D, as we approach the 6th anniversary of your memorial service, which we held 6 months out from your death… I know I did everything as perfectly as I could in those few short weeks between finding the cancer, our hospice time, and your death. I know this more than I know anything else in my life. And yet… Doubt…

Filed Under: Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: widowed by illness, Sudden Loss, wondering, alison miller, widowed questioning, expressions of grief

My Dare to the Universe

October 3, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

The mere idea of dipping my feet into the dating scene, no matter how lonely I am at any given point, invokes in me a huge HELL NO!  The quantity of nightmare stories I’ve heard from the widowed community about the quality of people in that scene, both male and female and what they’re looking for…no, please. There is, I hear, that 1% chance…

Filed Under: Widowed and New Love, Miscellaneous Tagged With: widowed new love, alison miller, dating after widowhood, taking chances

The Miracle of a Well-Lived Life

September 26, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

Each April 26, I post a blog I wrote in the days after Chuck’s death. I called it “Happy Anniversary, Dear Man”. But it wasn’t about our wedding anniversary; it was about his sober anniversary. One year, when I posted it, I was criticized for posting about his sober anniversary, because it broke Chuck’s anonymity, which is a crucial…

Filed Under: Widowed Memories, Miscellaneous Tagged With: memories, alison miller, widowed memories, Remembrance

The Never Ending Story

September 20, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

Is loneliness the never-ending story of widowhood? Does it end if we find another chance at Love? Does the loneliness exist, even then Because the loneliness is specific to that person, your person, who died? Is there ever a moment again When a widow’s heart feels that lightness of being, Once felt? Or is the heaviness, the ache, the sadness of…

Filed Under: Widowed Emotions Tagged With: expressions of grief, widowed sadness, alison miller, widowed loneliness

September and Remembering

September 12, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

My body felt September 11 approaching, even before my mind became aware of it. This morning, September 11, I woke up and could feel the nerves edging along my skin. The feeling only intensified as I watched snippets of remembrances on TV. Why, you might ask, would I put myself through watching something more when my heart was already hurting? To…

Filed Under: Widowed Emotions Tagged With: worry, alison miller, September 11, Safety

If

September 5, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

If all things that are impossible Became impossibly real, And the unimaginable Became impossibly imaginable, And what is impossibly, unimaginably, inconceivable, Became entirely plausible. In a world where my fiercest and most impassioned pleas, Ringing forth from the depths of my shattered heart… Could be heard pulsating through the days and…

Filed Under: Widowed Emotions Tagged With: alison miller, expressions of grief, wishes

Grief and Widow Questionnaire

August 29, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

My mind takes me into weird places, since being widowed, and today I imagined filling out a questionnaire, titled What has grief taught you? It would emphasize the importance of filling this out with no filter, thank you very much. How long have you been widowed? How I’d pose the question: how long since your entire world exploded and evaporated?…

Filed Under: Widowed and Healing Tagged With: alison miller, widowed questioning

What Remains, In This After of You

August 22, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

A trifold flag, presented to me at your memorial service. Where are you, my beloved? ID tags that hang over my bed or around my neck. Where are you, my beloved? 3 children you raised with me, though they weren’t of your blood. Where are you, my beloved? A grandson who would tower over you in height, and who reminds me of you each time I see a…

Filed Under: Widowed Emotions, Miscellaneous Tagged With: love, alison miller, expressions of grief, widowed searching

Love, On This Odyssey of Love

August 15, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

Perhaps one of the most helpful things I’ve learned in a little over 5 years of widowhood is this… I don’t have to be anything different, feel anything different, aspire to anything different…before going and doing whatever it is that I feel I must do to live this life without Chuck. I don’t have to have hope. I don’t even know what…

Filed Under: Miscellaneous Tagged With: love, alison miller, widow connections, keeping connection, Travel

Where Are They?

August 1, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

Where are they… The ones we loved in life, love still, in death? Where do they go when they leave our sides? Do they exist in a far away Universe, Unseen and unseeable? Carried only in memory, That shows itself in the wind, In clouds tinged with the colors of a sunrise or sunset? Do they see us as we wish for them? Do they hear our cries of…

Filed Under: Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Signs from Loved One Tagged With: widowed sadness, alison miller, widowed questioning, afterlife, Sorrow

In Love With…A Dead Man

July 25, 2018 by Alison Miller Leave a Comment

He strides through my mind on a daily basis. My heart yearns for the Love I felt so strongly with him. My soul remembers back to the years we shared. My body yearns for his hands upon it. It’s been 5 years and 3 months since he left my world. I’m in love with a dead man. I can almost hear the shrieks of dismay and shock and see people draw back…

Filed Under: Widowed, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Emotions Tagged With: widowed missing him, widowed dating, alison miller, love and loss, judgement

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