I’ve come to realize something over the past several years. It’s about a variation of a sentence I’ve heard over and over again. And I would bet that most of you have heard it in the not-so-distant past. I have come to hate ….. no, abhor, this sentence ….. “I could never do that.” Or better yet, “God knew that I couldn’t handle something like…
widowed moving forward
Kissing
I don’t remember how Art kissed. I remember how it felt. Warm, sensual, desired, sexy, girly, vixenish, delightful. When the connection was right, our kissing opened a door that lead to ….I kissed a guy last night. He’s not the first one that I have kissed but last time, back in the earlier months I kissed for and with the need to connect, to…
Every Choice
It’s a song day. I’ve loved this song for years, and it has applied to so many different times in my life when I’ve been faced with making a choice. Since becoming a widow, the idea of choice has been a constant theme in my life. At first just choosing to get out of bed was a conscious decision. As time has passed, it has become a choice to live my…
Just One
Four years after Phil’s death, I am still trying to work out how to do twice as many tasks with half the amount of hands. The anniversary of his death stirs up emotions for the kids each and every year. You would think I could anticipate their reactions to this day of remembering by now, but I can’t. My own walk down memory lane includes my…
I’m Fighting
Michael and I fought….or as I called it….debated, over who took the trash out or burned whose clothes ironing. The minute…the small things. But out of those small things, simple and silly things, I found the most important thing to fight for… And that is our love.After losing Michael, I did not fathom the amount of adversity that comes…
Not Quite Good Enough
Ah yes, the List of Requirements…it sounds so very like something out of Hogwarts, and in fact the original list Michele described yesterday was crafted by a couple of witches for certain! I do have to admit to a sense of shame after reviewing the first list, were we really so shallow? No, we weren’t. But the first list was written as a…
Slower than Molasses
I have learned, when Anneke travels, to relax a bit. I only seem to get anxious and hyper the day she returns. While she is gone, I am resigned to the fact that she is there, and I am here and I might as well just chill. Since I have no choice.But the morning of the day she is to come home, I am high strung and anxious, and a pain to be around I am…
Making New Footprints (continued)
Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans? Well I do. 🙂 I’m missing New Orleans right now. My stomach is missing it especially, OMG did we have some amazing meals last weekend in that city. But, better than the food, we made some amazing memories.My little guy fell in love with the city and can’t wait to go back. I was a little worried that…
Willing To Jump
This photo was taken at Lake Mead in Nevada about two weeks before Phil died. We were on a family vacation with some wonderful friends, and spent some time in a gorgeous cove. You are looking at Phil and my daughter, Caitlin, preparing to jump off of those rocks into the lake below. Notice that I am not up on the rocks.Phil was Mr. Adventure. He…
Journey
I know you are expecting me to talk about some kind of emotional journey right now. But this time I mean the band Journey. Eighties sensation; soundtrack to many of the moments of my youth; authors of some of the best love songs ever…THAT Journey!My son Johnny turned 17 on August 5th. Life has been so crazy lately (widow conference anyone??) that…
On Cruise Control
Lately, I’ve felt as if I’ve been on cruise control. It was turned on, set, and smooth sailing from that point on. Now while many would say how fantastic that may be after sailing roughly through the squalls of widowhood, the calm waters actually make me uneasy. The irony in this realization can’t stop me from snickering and letting out a laugh.For…
Finally…
Yep – that’s me at the steering thingy, getting ready to park the boat. I mean moor it or anchor it or whatever it was that we were doing. Anyhow, it finally happened. Our first fight. On the boat. Our first honest-to-goodness fight. After it was over, and we had both listened, (at least I think I listened), I said to him “Wasn’t that great? We had…