Well, I made it through the long three days of Mike being out of town for work the other week. He made sure to text or call at every turn so that I knew he was safe – which helped so much to keep the panic at bay a bit. So no, he didn’t die. Much to my relief. Although I will say, the whole ordeal of having to cope with my new person on a work trip…
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Phases of Widow
Its been a little over eight years since the sudden death of my husband and my world came crashing down like a tsunami, and so far, it sure has been one hell of a storm. Today, for no particular reason at all, I suddenly realized how the word “widow” has shifted and changed for me over these years. And, Im guessing, how it may continue to…
Family Vacation
I recently came back from taking my daughter to Disneyland. It was a bitter and sweet vacation. It was the first time we vacationed without my husband. It was very hard to not have his physical presence with us. I decided to take my daughter to Disneyland because that is something my husband and I had talked about. I am aware now, that you can’t…
Wispy Love~
Whispers of you and I Echo in each pulse beat that brings life to my body. Reminders. Memories. Joy. Passion. So much Love. Each remembrance leads me into one room, then another. Each room crafted in the beauty of who we were, When you and I were a we. Shadowed corners that taunt me With your gone-ness. Your missing-ness. My emptiness. How is…
The Grief See-Saw Roundabout
(Note: Even though I live in France, I am basically British, and in the UK we call what Americans call a “Teeter Totter” a “See-Saw”; and we call what Americans call a “Merry-Go-Round” a “Roundabout”. At least we did back in the last millennium when I last lived in the UK). I have in my mind’s eye one of those playground…
Adrift
When you become a widow everything familiar is suddenly lost. The rituals and routines of your old life no longer mark the way. As a widowed person you are forced to sail into uncharted waters. It is incredibly daunting. But, with time, you get used to it. And, you can even begin to flourish in the open water. I am different because he died. I am…
I Didn’t Die
So, Sarah wrote last week about my leaving for a work trip. It was the first time I have done so since we’ve met. Sure, I’ve left for a day or two here and there to go backpacking, but being required by my job to board a jet to Chicago for three days is, quite obviously, a bit more of a trigger for her. Especially when it’s a trigger…
Diagnoses Date
We all know the dreaded dates. The anniversary of their death, birthdays, togetherness anniversaries, holidays but there’s one more on my list that adds another dark mark on my year – His diagnosis date.Tin just felt off like he had the flu or something. No strange symptoms. No sudden pains. Just an off feeling. He did complain that he felt…
Dear Dead Husband
Dear Dead Husband, I will begin by saying that I cant believe thats still a thing. You being dead. Im kind of over it, if you want to know the truth. At this point, I feel I have learned all the life lessons I can possibly learn about death, Ive taken the pain and found the funny, and Ive used my grief to help others. What more do you want from…
A Letter To You
My Dearest Alex, Today marks 11 months of your passing, and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I miss you greatly my love, but I wanted to write this love letter to thank you for all that you gave me. So I want to start by saying thank you for loving me unconditionally every day of your life. From the moment we met, to the last words you…
Magical Music
I am a new guest writer here on Soaring Spirits. I do realise that it’s a site for Widowed people. I am widowed. My husband Mike died of pancreatic cancer on 8th April 2017. He was 53. It feels like a life time ago. It feels like yesterday. It feels unreal. In addition, I have lost an amazing and one and only best platonic male friend, Don (11…
Meaningless
This November it will be three years that I have been Mike’s widow. Three years is a decent amount of time to have spent in the quagmire that is grief. I have a fairly significant amount of experience as a widow, but I still feel inadequate in my new life. No matter what I do, nothing fills my Soul. Everything is lacklustre and…