Sometimes I am surprised by moments that heal my in ways I never imagined on this journey of loss. I met Mike because I lost Drew. And I met his daughter Shelby because of that too. And because they lost a wife and mother. And here we are, this new little family sort of scrapped together from the pieces of past lives. There are more pieces too……
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Traveler’s Remorse
Two weeks traveling abroad in the Brazilian Amazon! How amazing! So exciting! I have never traveled out of the country besides Cancun, Mexico so this was a huge step outside my comfort zone. I haven’t had an actual vacation since Tin passed so this would be a break for me to soak up the experience and take the much earned downtime to recharge.I…
Conversations with the Widowed
So, since I have been writing for this blog for a number of years now, which I love doing, there are times when I either: A: cant really think of anything new to say or write about without sounding like a broken record, or B: get tired of hearing the sound, or the type, of my own voice and my own story. When that happens, which is the case…
I’ll Suffer for You
I want you to know that I accept the fact that you couldn’t stay Even though my heart, keeps breaking every single day I feel your loss in everything that I am, and in everything that I do Losing you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do My grief is great because my love for you is deep The deeper the love, the harder you grieve I…
Ghostly Conversations~
Your blue eyes are entrancing… You say to me. I love casting my blue eyes across a room and catching your green-eyed glance. You are the Love of my life, Sunshine… You write to me on a card tucked into the flowers you gift me. I shine so brightly for you. You are always in my heart and I love you with all that I am… Your words on a card from…
Running on Purpose_v2
21st October 2019 – today would be 32 years since my first date with Mike. This is the second time I have written a blogpost with the exact same title. Hence the _v2. The first was on my work website and was written on 7th June 2014. I had just completed a 32 km mountain trail run in our local hills, a “warm-up” for a bigger event later…
Live Forward
In less than one month it will be three years since Mike died. With time and a lot of processing, the truth of his death has slowly leached into every cell of my body. And, despite my initial rebellion against his death, my heart is finally no longer resisting what my mind understands. Mike is gone. He died. Even now, it is unthinkable…
What’s hard for Two Widowed People in Love: Card Canceling
Today Mike and I are writing together about a topic that our Friday writer Kelley asked about recently. Most people assume it is easier to be in a relationship with another widowed person when you are widowed. And it’s true, a lot of things are simplified when you understand each other’s loss. Kelley was curious to know what some of the specific…
Approaching a Year
These past few weeks have been incredibly hard for me. I’ve been reliving what happened last year. It’s not that I welcome these thoughts, it’s that my brain keeps bringing them up. I remember the last lunch that we had as a family, just the day before my husband’s accident. I remember my daughter and I went to go have lunch with at his…
If I Could~
If I could… These 6 1/2 years later than the day after your death that I never thought I’d survive… I would approach you hesitantly… I would rush into your arms… I would stand in wonder… I would stare disbelievingly at you… I would shake my head back and forth… No. Yes. Of course… It would feel so normal, seeing you standing in…
Syncopated Grief
Today is one of those exquisitely beautiful, bright autumn days. With temperatures that would feel “just right” on a mid-summer’s day, but with the added benefit of a gentle breeze to doubly kiss my bare skin as I sit now, in the garden, writing this piece. I have been out on a “long run”. The kind of “long run” I do in the run-up to…
My Aliveness
It is not just his deadness, it’s my aliveness that weighs heavy on my Soul. In a month and one day, it will be exactly three years since Mike died. And, this year, it is not only his deadness that is gutting me, it is more… Mike is dead. That sentence is awful to read. Beyond awful really. And, it is terrible to type. But, I…