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Mari Posa

About Mari Posa

I am a blessed woman with many shadows of darkness. I have met the love of my life, my best friend, and my soulmate. I have experienced motherhood and have triumphed in my career. I have built everlasting bonds, with people I love and respect. I consider myself blessed. With all those blessings, there are also shadows of darkness. I watched my father die as he held my hand and took his last breath. I lost many hopes and dreams as I buried the love of my life at the age of 31, just four months after burying my father. I left a stable and secure career for something much more significant, but then lost it all. I have seen immense beauty and extreme darkness in this life. I am a woman whose world was shattered into a million pieces, in what was supposed to be the best time of my life. Through love, learning, and therapy, I continue to move forward in this life with grief right beside me. I continue to honor those who have left this earth with pieces of my heart. I take one day at a time.

Farewell 2019 and Readers

Posted on: January 2, 2020 | Posted by: Mari Posa

I am finally saying goodbye to another year without my Husband. For me, 2018 and 2019 have been the most difficult years of my life. As I close 2019, I want to let you all know that I will be no longer writing blogs anymore.    For 2020, I need to focus on my health, my child and trying to get back to who I once was. In all honesty, my health is…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Community

Feeling Numb

Posted on: December 19, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

I can tell you as I am sitting here in my living room writing this blog, I am feeling numb. In the past two months, they found an irregular function with my heart, my house got hit by a tornado, and thankfully only knocked down a wall in my backyard. I had to get my roof redone and as they were putting in the new roof, a bunch of water poured all…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Emotions

I Will Always Wonder

Posted on: December 12, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

I know it’s not healthy to think about what could have been. But sometimes I let my mind wander and take a peek of the life we could have had if you had never had your accident. I know this can’t ever exist, but I will always wonder.  I will always wonder if we would have grown old together. If we truly would have decorated our wheelchairs…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Miscellaneous

Unbalanced or Balanced

Posted on: December 5, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

Lately, I’ve been getting this urge to try to find balance in my life. What is the balance? Some people would say, it is to have a job, a family, stability, and security. All those things sound great, but life throws at us unexpected unimaginable things, and somehow someway we can still manage them. So by managing the unimaginable, does that mean…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing

The Roller Coaster of Grief

Posted on: November 28, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

Grief is like a roller-coaster, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. There is no actual manual on how to navigate all this. There are resources to help you with it, but everyone deals with things differently. I feel like this roller-coaster of grief is tricky. I feel like I have made great progress in moving forward with my grief, but I…

Categories: Widowed Emotions, Miscellaneous

Surviving This

Posted on: November 21, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

Dear Readers,  In today’s blog, I want to talk about something very sensitive, and that is having suicidal thoughts after the loss of a loved one. First and foremost, I want to say that I want to be very respectful of this post, to those we have lost to suicide. I also want to share my experience and what I went through when I lost my husband.

Categories: Widowed Emotions

My Grief as a Widow

Posted on: November 14, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

I struggle to sleep at night.  I have flashbacks of the horrific images of how my husband’s body was left.  I miss the love of my life every day.  It’s hard for me to trust.  It’s painful to see his things all over the house, but I cannot bear to take them down.  I miss feeling loved, protected and cared for.  I miss feeling like I was…

Categories: Widowed Emotions

You Have to be Kidding Me

Posted on: November 7, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

Dear Readers,  My last post was about my first year as a widow and some of the lessons I learned throughout that year. I wanted to do the second part of that post. I want to share with you some of the things that were said to me during that year that made me think, “You have to be kidding me.” Things you shouldn’t say to a widow- 1. “You…

Categories: Miscellaneous

First Year as a Widow

Posted on: October 31, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

Dear Readers, I have officially hit my first year as a widow and I would like to share some of my experiences and lessons learned during this unimaginable time. 1. You are stronger more than you could have ever imagined. Especially during the times where you feel like your heart is going to stop because it hurts so much and you feel you can’t…

Categories: Widowed Anniversaries

I’ll Suffer for You

Posted on: October 24, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

I want you to know that I accept the fact that you couldn’t stay Even though my heart, keeps breaking every single day   I feel your loss in everything that I am, and in everything that I do Losing you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do   My grief is great because my love for you is deep The deeper the love, the harder you grieve   I…

Categories: Widowed Emotions

Pumpkin Patch

Approaching a Year

Posted on: October 17, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

These past few weeks have been incredibly hard for me. I’ve been reliving what happened last year. It’s not that I welcome these thoughts, it’s that my brain keeps bringing them up. I remember the last lunch that we had as a family, just the day before my husband’s accident. I remember my daughter and I went to go have lunch with at his…

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Memories, Widowed Anniversaries

Family Vacation

Posted on: October 10, 2019 | Posted by: Mari Posa

I recently came back from taking my daughter to Disneyland. It was a bitter and sweet vacation. It was the first time we vacationed without my husband. It was very hard to not have his physical presence with us. I decided to take my daughter to Disneyland because that is something my husband and I had talked about. I am aware now, that you can’t…

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Miscellaneous

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