Widow's Voice

My Grief as a Widow

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I struggle to sleep at night. 

I have flashbacks of the horrific images of how my husband’s body was left. 

I miss the love of my life every day. 

It’s hard for me to trust. 

It’s painful to see his things all over the house, but I cannot bear to take them down. 

I miss feeling loved, protected and cared for. 

I miss feeling like I was someone’s everything.

I miss laughing so hard because he was the only one that brought constant intense humor into my life. 

I am tired every single day. 

It saddens me not to hear his voice, feel his touch, or see his kindness. 

I hate not having my husband here to get his opinion on things, especially on hard decisions or when I am scared. 

I miss feeling whole and happy.

I miss holding his hand. 

It pains me to see my daughter play and talk to his picture instead of having him. 

I hurt every day and that will never go away. 

 

About Mari Posa

I am a blessed woman with many shadows of darkness. I have met the love of my life, my best friend, and my soulmate. I have experienced motherhood and have triumphed in my career. I have built everlasting bonds, with people I love and respect. I consider myself blessed. With all those blessings, there are also shadows of darkness. I watched my father die as he held my hand and took his last breath. I lost many hopes and dreams as I buried the love of my life at the age of 31, just four months after burying my father. I left a stable and secure career for something much more significant, but then lost it all. I have seen immense beauty and extreme darkness in this life. I am a woman whose world was shattered into a million pieces, in what was supposed to be the best time of my life. Through love, learning, and therapy, I continue to move forward in this life with grief right beside me. I continue to honor those who have left this earth with pieces of my heart. I take one day at a time.