Widow's Voice

Unbalanced or Balanced

| Posted by:

Lately, I’ve been getting this urge to try to find balance in my life. What is the balance? Some people would say, it is to have a job, a family, stability, and security. All those things sound great, but life throws at us unexpected unimaginable things, and somehow someway we can still manage them. So by managing the unimaginable, does that mean we are balanced?

I feel my perspective on life has changed. I don’t see time the same way, relationships the same way, or even tangible items. I know I haven’t fully punched in my bad card, meaning I know more bad things can happen to me. And they have. I am not being pessimistic, but realistic. Just because a few bad things happen to you, doesn’t mean you are done with the bad in life.

Life is hard, and yes sometimes it feels like we are off-balance. But one thing that remains the same, is love. My husband has been physically dead for over a year, and I feel still feel so in love with him. I’m starting to realize that love truly never dies. I heard a quote today in a movie that said: “to lose balance for love, is part of living a balanced life.”

This quote brought me comfort because even though I feel pain every day, I wouldn’t trade my experience for anything in the world. I am grateful he was and continues to be a part of my life. I wouldn’t trade all the laughter he brought me, all the beautiful memories he gave me, and this eternal love that we have. 

I may feel unbalanced right now, but it’s because I have lived a balanced life. 

 

About Mari Posa

I am a blessed woman with many shadows of darkness. I have met the love of my life, my best friend, and my soulmate. I have experienced motherhood and have triumphed in my career. I have built everlasting bonds, with people I love and respect. I consider myself blessed. With all those blessings, there are also shadows of darkness. I watched my father die as he held my hand and took his last breath. I lost many hopes and dreams as I buried the love of my life at the age of 31, just four months after burying my father. I left a stable and secure career for something much more significant, but then lost it all. I have seen immense beauty and extreme darkness in this life. I am a woman whose world was shattered into a million pieces, in what was supposed to be the best time of my life. Through love, learning, and therapy, I continue to move forward in this life with grief right beside me. I continue to honor those who have left this earth with pieces of my heart. I take one day at a time.