A Treasure to be Discovered 7am – the hot summer day barely peeks into my view…when you live in Cali, specifically Riverside, you can tell early on if it will be a hot one. I sit in the sort-of dining room / never quite an office / former in-between-nothing-room and put down words on a […]
Widowed
Greater Ease in Groups
Photos my own – Montenegro – Lake Skadar and Bay of Kotor What is it that makes it easier, harder, or even impossible, to integrate, to participate in, to engage with, to be “fit for human consumption” in, a group? Not even two months ago, I wrote about a very challenging time I had had […]
Setbacks and Support
If you read this weekly, you may remember that 9 weeks ago I sprained my ankle badly. I wore my air cast for the first 2 weeks. Moved to smaller brace for a few weeks and I’ve been in physical therapy 1-2 times per week for the last 4 weeks. Long story short, I’ve been […]
Back in Week Number One
Clayton, The buildup towards your funeral is tearing open wounds I thought were scared strong. I wrote about it last week and what has changed is the intensity and the heaviness. This all should have happened four years ago when the original storm hit. My grief timeline is so out of phase it’s uncharted waters. […]
o grief
you trip me up o grief you sneak up on me you fool me you trip me up o grief you catch me unawares you pretend a thing is okay you trick me o grief you seem to be at a distance you move in close you sabotage me o grief gimme […]
Residual Trauma
Photo my own, from today – Our Lady of the Rocks, Kotor Bay, Montenegro I am not an expert in trauma, though I do try to keep up with the research and literature concerning how trauma affects the body, patterns of behaviour, transformation and healing. I try to keep up on what it means to […]
The Fourth is the Same but Not
Today is the 4th of July but my celebrations for this holiday were yesterday. This is our 2nd Fourth of July without Tony, but we haven’t changed any of our traditions that he and I built. Every year my best friend and her family drive in from St. Louis to fill my home. We setup […]
My Past in My Future
I don’t know how to navigate this. I don’t know how to balance out this future placed bereavement. I have been pressuring myself to “figure it out” because I feel overwhelmed by a lot in life right now. Something has to give or I’m going to crash. My daily routines are way off, and I’ve […]
July 4th – Our Wedding Anniversary
Happy Anniversary, my love. Just a couple of kids who fell in love and were married just out of high school. Who knew we’d spend 51+ years together on this earth? A spark made it possible. The spark dimmed at times, but it never went completely out. We learned how to re-ignite it. We had […]
WeWe – or Widows Encouraging Widows’ Exploits
Photo by Jonny Gios – Coniston Water – on Unsplash I have been in the/my Motherland – England – these past days. It’s been wonderful. And it’s been weird. Though as I write, I have just crossed the border into Scotland at Gretna Green, and will soon be level with Lockerbie – forever imprinted in […]
Tackling the Garage
Tony was a man of many skills. He was a hunter, a carpenter, a BBQ smoker, a gardener, and sometimes a mechanic. With all these skills and hobbies comes a lot of material things. Our garage shelves and walls overflowed with his things. Tony was also not the most organized man; organization is a skill […]
Another Layer to the Levels In Life
I’m happy to say that yesterday my boyfriend Devin and I got engaged! Yesterday I reached a new place in life that I have never been too before. Clayton and I never had the opportunity to get to this point. This weekend I am celebrating where my life has lead me, and the love that […]