I haven’t had much downtime lately. Life is just moving at a very rapid pace and yesterday my body decided we were in desperate need of a red light and slammed on the brakes. I was at work feeling sluggish after a night of thunderstorms and random coughing keeping me up. Not unmanageable, but on […]
Widowed Memories
Reflecting on my April
Like everyone’s favorite Justin Timberlake meme, It’s Gonna Be May. Technically, it’s May 2nd but you know what I mean. And if it’s May, then that means I did it. I made it through April. Feels like there is a lot to reflect on over the last 30 days. I relived his last days and […]
The Grief Cap
“Can I buy you a new cap?” “No thank you.” “Can you afford a new cap?” “Yes I can. Thank you.” “Do you know people might judge you because of how your cap looks?” “I like the worn look. It represents my well-lived life. Thank you for your concern.” “Do you know you look homeless […]
From My Present to My Past
Dear Bryan, I’m imagining today that I am able to write to you in our past to give you a glimmer of hope. Where you are at the start of this widowed journey is not where you are forever trapped. I’ll be honest with you and say that there will be tough days, months and […]
Cousins Club
Cousin Judy called out of the blue a few days ago to inform me that she will be here later this week to visit family. She wants me to join them for dinner on Friday and possibly for Sunday luncheon, too. The family members I refer to are her close family members. I expect those […]
Five Things You MIGHT Experience After
The Funeral 1. Relief In thinking about having a funeral one year after my beloved husband died, many doubts arose. How could we gather friends and family after this much time passed? Would anyone come to the service? We were able to put together a lovely celebration of Dan’s life. And many people came out […]
Forever Young
Main image by Angello Pro on Unsplash Today is not only Easter Day. It’s also our lovely Megan’s 21st birthday. Her sixth birthday without her father. Her 16th birthday was just nine days after her dad died. Finding a date for Mike’s funeral in 2017 was so very hard. There is a “minimum” time required […]
Looking Forwards and Backwards
This weekend was a swirl of activities with soccer games, Easter and my oldest son turning 13. I didn’t have much time to look forward. So now it is Monday morning, and I am entering this week with trepidation. This is the week that will make it 365 days since Tony passed. I find myself […]
These Soft and Coarse Sands of Time
The course of time is told by the passing of both soft and coarse sands. Some experiences feel gentle and powder fine while others sting and erode me in these whipping widowed winds. Five. How is it already five years since you’ve been gone? How is it that I didn’t know if I’d make it […]
Taking Stock
The last time I visited Deer Tick Manor was this past November, just after the Thanksgiving holiday, for the annual rite of closing the place for the winter season. While Lee was alive, we would return at least once during the winter months to check on the place, a visit we typically dovetailed either with […]
He Used to Say . . .
We Were His Only Need He used to say that his heart would take him in the end, that husband of mine—the brave hearted man, father and mentor, friend to many; he used to say that we were all that mattered to him. He laid down his life for us by driving countless miles to […]
Just a pile of ash
The conversation of letting Clayton’s ashes go came up last week. His uncle was going to drive them up to where Clayton asked to be buried. So after 5 years I handed him over. I had lots of messages of support and messages suggesting ways I could keep some of Clayton’s ashes to hold on […]