I had prepared a different post to publish today (not this one), but I changed my mind. Instead, I felt compelled to write about how it feels to arrive at the 18-month mark since Suzanne died. On my personal Facebook page, the memory of what I wrote 1-year ago came up and I posted it—it […]
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Grit and Grace
My foundation shifted and collapsed when he died. I buried Mike, but it was me who was buried alive by the wreckage of our dilapidated life. For a long time I thought that maybe if I stood still he’d come for me. I thought he would somehow find me and save me from the ruins of our lost life. Then, after a while, I realized that Mike was…
No more Second Fiddles
A few weeks ago, Mike and I wrote a joint post together about some of the challenges of two widowed people dating. The metaphor that we mentioned, which is a common one, was of being second fiddle… the idea that each of us sometimes feels “second” to the person that came before us in our partner’s lives. It’s a bit unavoidable now and…
A bunch of curse words
So my entire post just disappeared. Just like my life. Just like my husband. Im so incredibly annoyed right now. I wrote a brilliant post. It was off the top of my head. It was called “Rebuild”, and it was this amazing metaphor all about having a house built and how if it took years to build a house and the builders kept making mistakes and then…
Rebuild
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Marinating
There is a space in my heart where that life that I knew now sits. It started somewhere around six or seven years after the loss. That is when the grief began to move from “always active”, to more of a “quiet state”, where it just sort of sits and hangs out, and then every now and then, something happens to awaken it, and Im brought…
Six Degrees of Don Shepherd
There are some days, still, where my late husband Don dies over and over again. Or at least it feels that way. As the years go by, all the things and all the people and all the ways that I am connected to Don Shepherd – they change. they alter. They die. And whenever this happens, it feels sort of like he is dying all over again. …
What Was and What Is
Life is pretty good. Eight and a half years later. I have my struggles. I have my hard days. I have my really, really, really hard days. But I also have good days. And I have really, really good days. I have joy. There was a time I thought there would never be joy. I have love. Beautiful, wonderful, chaotic, messy, complicated,…
Remembering, Honoring, and Trying to Live on Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving can be tough if you are living with the death of someone you love. One thing I have learned during this 8-year long (so far) grief tsunami, is that talking about the person I love who died and sharing stories about them helps greatly. Remembering them with love , acknowledging that they lived and they matter, is not only important, but…
Be Thankful. Or Don’t. Be Wherever You Are.
Be Thankful. Be grateful. So many people have it worse. Do these above statements sound helpful to you? Do they sound like compassionate or empathetic things to say to a person who has been recently widowed? Does this sound like a good way to show you care? I don’t think so. And yet, when I was first widowed , back in the summer of 2011,…
Getting More than You Give
Today I’m exhausted for good reasons, and thinking back to all the many times I have been exhausted for reasons I didn’t want to be. Exhausted from crying so much, or from trying to figure out my life again, or from just trying to do the myriad of ordinary things in life as a widow like buying groceries, going to the doctor or making new friends. I…
Dear Dead Husband
Dear Dead Husband, I will begin by saying that I cant believe thats still a thing. You being dead. Im kind of over it, if you want to know the truth. At this point, I feel I have learned all the life lessons I can possibly learn about death, Ive taken the pain and found the funny, and Ive used my grief to help others. What more do you want from…