This pandemic crisis has left me with a lot of strange thoughts in my head.

I keep thinking about how all the social distancing, flattening the curve, and sheltering in place has really forced us all to shrink our world. For me, that’s a really big change.

My old world was often filled with people, and filled with a variety of different activities, and things that made my soul feel good. I would see work colleagues, clients, people at book events, family, friends out at social evenings , my widowed support group, everyone at the YMCA, my therapist, and more, on a daily or weekly basis.

Now – I see three people over and over – my boyfriend Nick, and my parents. My world and my enormous circle of people has been shrunk down to a tiny few. Fortunately, the three people that I see over and over again are all people that I love dearly, but it’s still weird and unnatural to only see 3 people over and over. (other than the random folks Im trying to stay at least 6 feet away from whenever I go buy essential groceries, of course.) I wonder what affect this has on our mind, either consciously or subconsciously. Are we all picking up the habits and routines and patterns of the one or two people we have been quarantined with? When we are finally let out of our shrunken cages, will the world feel too overwhelming for us?

There is a lot to say about having to adapt to new situations. Being widowed, we had to adapt to our “new normal”, even thought we probably didnt want to. I remember being resentful about having to adapt so many things – resentful that if my husband hadnt died, then I wouldnt have to “fill in the blank…”

This time around, with Covid-19, Im finding that Im more mildly annoyed than resentful, and more mellow than frantic. Yes, my anxiety feels high right now, scared that those I love could get sick or die. But as far as having to adapt to the new way of life, Im pretty okay with it. Ive been through way worse, and yes, its an inconvenience to have to wear a mask to get groceries or not be able to visit good friends or be home EVERY SINGLE DAY – but if its going to literally save the lives of lots of people, which means those people’s families wont have to live without them because of this disease – then Im all for it. Im widowed. I can adapt to anything.