When I come in here lately, I almost hate to talk about covid-19, just because its what everyone else is talking about, and what more can be said, really? But then I think about how much this covid situation is like grief, and how it IS grief, and how we are all going through the loss of something, and the loss of everything, all at once. When my husband died suddenly, it was like my life was over forever, except nobody else’s life was over, so their sympathy and understanding of my situation only went so far.
With covid, everyone’s life is on pause, all at once, and we dont know for how long, and there are no answers, and there is no expiration date on when things will be back to “normal.” And at this point, WILL they ever be back to normal? Is there a new normal now? Will we forever change the way we gather in large public places? The way we see doctors and go to hair salons and dentists? Will hugging someone be something we think twice about before doing it? How many of us will walk out of this thing knowing someone personally who tested positive, or who died?
So many questions. No answers.
That’s grief. That’s loss. That’s what it is, and what it feels like.
The difference here is that with the death of a spouse or partner, your life is different forever, and you lose the life you always knew. Its just gone, and you have to create a new one. Or you just end up existing and not creating much of anything and just floating through life without much joy or purpose. Your choice, really. But with covid, its more of a temporary thing. Its more like “Life, Interrupted.” This new normal of not going out, wearing masks, most things being closed or very limited – it makes for a very lonely existence, and its hard to not get depressed by it all.
I think that when we have these type of feelings, its important to at least acknowledge that they are there, they are happening, and that its perfectly okay to feel sad or depressed or fearful or apathetic or whatever other things you are feeling. When we stuff it all away and don’t talk about it , it just sits inside of us like a plague or like a rock at the bottom of our stomach, and that cant really be good for us or for our bodies.
So here is what I suggest. Talk it out. Write about it. Take a walk. Get outside. Call a friend. Get in your car, drive to the nearest lake or open field or somewhere else that’s mildly private, and shout out to the universe or to God or to whatever or whoever you do or do not believe in – “THIS SHIT SUCKS!!!!!” Just scream it out. A few times if you have to. Put on some heavy metal music that matches your mood or rage, blast it at eleven, and let it all out. Then drive back home and go about your covid-19 weird-ass day. Trust me, it will help. If only for a few minutes. Rinse and repeat as necessary.