April 7th marks 4 years since I saw Boris alive. And, it still feels like, how can this be? I have been listening to Maren Morris’s new album and she has this song about someone she loves dying and imagining what the world would do without them. I know the sun will set into the […]
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Whistling Past the Graveyard
As I wrote last week, I attended the Covid-belated life celebration of an old friend. Other old friends attended, so the event turned into a bit of a reunion for us. People took the opportunity to catch up, which at this stage in our lives seems mainly to center on personal health, children, and grandchildren. […]
ONE WIDOW’s ABC’s
FROM THE CAMP WIDOW EXPERIENCE A – ALLOWING myself to need help was harder to do than one might think. It allowed me to receive. B – BY the time I arrived at my second camp, it was not long before I found a familiar face and a warm hug. C – CARING for myself […]
Invisible Grief Analysis in the Cinema
Image by Kyle Head on Unsplash One of the independent cinemas I go to has a wonderful range of premieres, at which any combination of the film director, producer, key actors, etc, are present afterwards for reflection and discussion. I love it. The two people from the cinema who manage the process are articulate, witty, […]
Because…April…
This week I turned the calendar to April and that means I’m facing a list of lasts we shared with Tony. The last time his closest friend came over to share a whiskey. The last Friday night steak he cooked us. The last time he sang happy birthday to any of our children. The […]
I Miss Him Softly
The other night, Nick and I were flipping channels on the TV, and we stopped on an episode of “South Park.” It was mid-way through the episode, and it was immediately funny, so we ended up watching it to its completion. A little while later, Nick commented on how much I was laughing out loud […]
The Final Passing
This week has been full of up and down moments. Life always throws change at you but fast change from a high moment to a low moment and back really takes a toll on you. I certainly need to rest the next couple of days. Not just sleep but rest so I can think, feel […]
Recalling a Friend
A.P. was the imaginary producer behind the imaginary music created by our imaginary air guitar band—the Frazier Thomas Band—by virtue that he was first among us to own a car. We were young, still only semi-responsible. Over the course of several years, we covered a lot of ground together, both literally and figuratively. These friendships […]
Camp Widow Tampa
Day One – Weeping Without any apparent reason, on the morning of Camp Widow Tampa, I awoke weeping. There was no bad dream. No expectation of trouble. Not even a recognition that I was going to a place named Camp Widow. Weeping was the prominent emotion that first day. In searching for reasons, I admitted […]
Homesickness
Main image by Rowan Heuvel on Unsplash In English, when we miss our homeland, we say, “I feel homesick”. In French, when we miss our homeland, we say, “J’ai le mal du pays”. Close enough, but not quite the same. Taken literally, the English version seems just to be about missing one’s “home” (parents, family, […]
Back in the Office
I went back into my office this week for a meeting and to work for a few hours. It was the first time I have been in the building to do actual work since March 12, 2020. In early 2021, I did go in to pack up my little cube so they could shift me […]
Too Tired to “Widow” today …
Michele posted earlier on her FB page about the idea of giving ourselves grace and also giving this post-loss version of ourselves credit for all that we do. So today Im giving myself grace and forgiveness that Im hours late writing this, that Im totally exhausted, and that I dont much feel like “widow-ing” today. […]