Most definitely, there was a time and place for curating thoughts of him like sacred memories I would press against my heart and attempt to memorize by feel. In the past, I spent hours tenderly thinking about Mike and reliving our life together in my mind. It was a necessary part of my grief; and, likewise, it is necessary that I have stopped this now.
Widowed Emotions
Grief in the Grass
Six years ago, Clayton and I took a trip to visit his mother. We were still in Atlanta and she was living along the coast of southern Florida. We had left the city cement behind for a walk along the waves. What I hadn’t realized was the subtle but profound stop we took along the […]
Do I hate fall?
Here in Atlanta, it is starting to feel like fall. I am sure we will have more hot and humid days ahead because our weather is so tricky, but this week we’ve started to feel our first taste of low humidity and crisp air as the season changes. Since Boris died, I have noticed that […]
Traveling in the Land of Grief – Part Two
Images speak louder than words. The concentric layers of trees, in the gorgeous photo above, remind me of grief—its stages and the overall journey that begins when death arrives at our door. It speaks to me of spaces of rest along the journey and the familiar fog of being in an unknown land. Little […]
Grief Gaps
Love and loss are the great unifiers. Later in life the family seems to only get together for weddings and funerals. The most interesting part of my grief is how separated and alone I felt even though I was surrounded by love and support. I was kept separate from the rest of life by the […]
Inside Jokes.
I miss inside jokes. And little things that only Boris would “get”. I was watching a Netflix movie several months ago, Desperados, and one of the main characters (a widower) says something about missing the “dinner party glance” with his late wife. That connection where you just give each other a “look” because you both […]
Traveling in the Land of Grief
One hundred and fifty two days ago my beloved husband transitioned into death. In that time I have learned that the reality of death and grief is something that cannot be understood unless you are in it. I thought I knew something of it, having experienced other loved ones passing. I was wrong. The photo […]
Content
4.10 years later, I am content, happy and joy filled AND I continue to miss Mike. This is something I will do for the rest of my life. I miss him. I simply do. He was a wonderful person and I miss sharing my life with him. But, more than missing him, I am filled with a deep gratitude for what was between us. Mike loved me well and he changed my life with his love. His love was strong and true and big. He was everything that I ever wanted love to be. Mike made me a Fan Girl of Love and I get to keep all this. This stuff didn’t die with him. All of this is etched into my Soul. His love is in my bones, it is imprinted on my skin. I am strong on his love.
Past to the Present – A Look Back in Widowed Time
Clayton has been gone for over three years now. A lot has changed. On a day to day, I don’t realize just how far I have traveled. This week has had a lot of old memories stir but not for the worse, for the better. The week brought about events and memories that could have […]
Love Always Wins
The Power of Memory Do you ever wonder how certain memories come back to teach us about ourselves? The lesson for me in this week’s post is that dying is damn hard. Sometimes, in the midst of it, we don’t feel the full impact. Then your dog dies and it all comes rushing in. Death […]
ABBA Revival
4 September 2021 Image by Andrew Ebrahim on Unsplash When I landed back at Geneva airport this week, after a few days of business travel in Sweden (my first business travel in over 18 months), I headed over to the luggage collection belts. While waiting for my luggage to come through, I skimmed the BBC […]
Septembers are for Guilt
**This post contains discussion of suicide** September is Suicide Awareness and Prevention Month, which means a lot of emails, social media posts, etc. about suicide. Don’t get me wrong, I think awareness about suicide, including warning signs and how to help someone with suicidal ideation, is so important. We definitely need more people aware of […]