That moment is unlike any other. Whether you are expecting the grief or it surprises you, there is no way to describe the very second you learn you have a new future. Tunnel vision sets in, you can’t catch your breath. All you hear is the loudest sound you’ve ever heard and it is coming […]
Widowed Emotions
The Anatomy of a Love Song
Love Begets Love A lifetime of love, like seeds in soil, sprouts and multiplies in the right conditions. When seeds of love sprout—love blooms. Love begets love. This explains how this precious song arrives here today. The home for this song is a website our family created for Dan named CowboyDan.org. A brain-child of our […]
This Life. THIS One
Photo of Lac de Lamoura, French Jura I have been doing some reading, learning and re-working on Narrative – aka the story/ stories I/we tell – whether to ourselves or to others. Narratives are potentially powerful vehicles for life, living, how we show up in the world, choices we make. When we become conscious of […]
The Duality of Widowhood Replay
Kelley wasn’t able to post today, so we thought we’d share this post that she wrote back in 2017. Enjoy! The definition of the word “duality” is as follows: 1. the quality or condition of being dual 2. an instance of opposition or contrast between two concepts or two aspects of something; a dualism. “the […]
Facing Future Fears: An Open Letter to Myself
Dear Bryan, I think it’s time for us to talk a bit about the fears found since Clayton passed. These thoughts and widowed worries have actually compounded and worsened seasons of our grief. They have been cyclical and fed into one another. Try as I might to break these cycles sooner, I couldn’t and I’m […]
I need him to be here.
The photo on this post is of Boris and my dad, Steve. It was taken less than a month before Boris died. My dad looks so different now. He is probably 50 pounds lighter now. At that time, my dad didn’t need a walker as he does now. He could be left alone for at […]
131 Days
To My Dearest Dan, It has been one hundred thirty-one days since you died and it feels so much longer. It feels as if you are watching me from afar and also, somehow, participating daily in my life with your energy. When I call on you I especially feel you near, although you show up […]
Just how do we ever do this?
Image by Sarah Treanor on www.streanor.com This is my 104th piece of writing for Soaring Spirits International, which means I have been writing here for exactly 2 years. A piece a week. And sometimes I write more frequently on my own personal blogsite. I had been widowed for over two years, and had lost my […]
The Grief Thread
“I’m only hanging on by a thread.” Such a common phrase we use to express that we are in a place which scares us regardless of the reason for our grief grip. I’ve said that phrase many times in life. I’ve said it when I was sick of being bullied in school. I said it […]
Photographs and Memories
Pieces of You Photographs and memories All the love you gave to me Somehow it just can’t be true That’s all I’ve left of you In the midst of meal prep, sorting through items while seeking the right tool in a kitchen drawer, I saw a blackened, overused kitchen fork. It immediately took me to […]
I am beginning to see what you’ve lost
Photo my own – Andorran Pyrenees I am just back from three weeks holidays spent with Medjool. It’s been lovely. Refreshing. Renewing. Most of the time we were walking in the Pyrenees, east to west, heading from the Mediterranean sea towards the Atlantic ocean. We walked for about 12 days with a few rest days […]
Self Love (take2)
Learning to fiercely love ourselves might be the greatest and most important love affair of our lives.
(Go on, read that again. Take a moment. Let it sink in.)
Yep. As widowed people, it is up to us to master love in a new way. We have lost the physical touch, and the voice of our beloved; but we still have the blueprints of their love imprinted on our skin and in our Souls. We know how to give and receive love because of them. So, now we must craft a way to love on ourselves when our lovers are no longer here to do this for themselves.