Photo by P – family friend – photo of our two girls, which P keeps stuck behind a piece of art from Julia It was Julia’s 19th birthday a couple of weeks ago. On 30th March. Still her birthday. Even if she is not alive to enjoy it, to celebrate it, to live it, to […]
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Joy and Melancholy
Yesterday was my oldest son’s birthday. This Thursday will mark two years since Tony’s death. It is hard to hold both of those dates in my heart so close together. The date that we became parents for the first time with the date we all lost him. Joy and melancholy fold in on themselves. This […]
Its Because You are Dead
So Ive been missing Don quite a bit lately. Just some little things, and a few big things, but mostly little things about him. Ive been quietly missing him, and also sometimes telling someone I miss him or sharing a thought or memory of him that I have probably shared before. (when someone dies on […]
No Small Moments
Due to family matters, I was unable to write a new post this week. I went back to my former dog-writing blog site I’d maintained for over ten years on WordPress and perused my post archives and came upon one I’d composed after the passing of my sister, Manette. As it pertains on how we […]
Anxiety
This past week I attended two conferences out of town. It was a whirlwind week, and I felt like I couldn’t quite catch my breath. I planned to get a lot of other work done in my hotel room and in between sessions, but it didn’t happen. I know my time spent networking was important, […]
Best Laid Plans
I took advantage of the unseasonably early warm weather to get a jump on my landscaping. As a first act, I picked up a pair of soft knee pads from Home Depot, put them on, crawled into the low space below my deck, carefully avoided bumping my head, and spent the bulk of one recent […]
The Dress
From the Funeral A cute black dress came forward right on time. I was shopping (alone) for something to wear to the funeral for my husband of fifty-one years, nine months. I don’t enjoy shopping, so procrastination prevailed until the 11th hour. This smart black dress with just the right amount of sleeve and buttons […]
8th April
Photos my own, taken today It generates a sicky feeling in my tummy. A sinking of my heart. A shortening of my breath. An increase in my heart’s rate. A tensing of my belly. A weakening of my arms’ and legs’ strength. Trembly fingers. This date. 8th of April. Typing it out. Seeing […]
Missing My Bookend
I am quickly approaching the two-year mark of Tony’s passing. In a way, I just want to get past the 20th of this month so I can put that date in my rearview window, versus watching for its head on approach. The grief is different now than it was in the beginning. I no longer […]
Thoughts on Life and Death and Easter Bunnies
Happy Easter to those who celebrate. To those who dont, or who DO but arent yet wanting to or ready to after grief has rocked your world into orbit, Happy Day. For those who are too raw right now to feel “happy” anything – I will say simply “Day.” Just “day.” Lets just acknowledge that […]
Timelines and Revisions
A few years ago when I was working as a Substitute Teacher, or as some of us say, “Guest Educator” I recall a day spent as a librarian for a local elementary school. In addition to returning and choosing new books, each class spent time on an activity such as word search, cross word […]
5 years.
Today makes 5 years. I can’t wrap my head around it. It feels so big and significant. I know it is just another anniversary year, but 5 feels somehow bigger–like a milestone. In a way, I feel like a lot of the time since Boris died was sort-of robbed from me. The COVID-19 pandemic hit […]