Photo my own screenshot A long, long time ago, back in the last millennium, in the time when there were dinosaurs, and during the 7 month period between 1997 and 1998 where I had a brilliantly exciting expat assignment in Minneapolis, I met a lovely woman called Betsy. She was first a colleague then became […]
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One Last Meal
If you’ve been widowed a hot minute, you know there are many first and lasts you experience over the years after your partners death. This might sound weird to some people but Sunday evening the kids and I ate the last of Tony’s barbeque. Smoked sausage and brisket burnt ends to be exact. We spent […]
I Said Yes!
Yesterday, April 28th marked the anniversary of my engagement to my late husband, Rich, in 1996, and also the 18 month milestone of my Widowhood Journey. Both milestones represent life-changing occasions on both ends of the marital spectrum. Rich and I had been casually acquainted for a few years before we went out on our […]
Grief Work
Over the past 6 months or so I have started to realize how much more grief work I have to do. I think I went through a period where it felt like I had done it all. Not that I was “over it” or everything was better, but that I’d sort of worked through everything […]
Can an Old Dog Learn New Tricks?
My older sister was one of the smartest people I ever knew. She was so good at solving certain puzzles that for many years it was rumored that a representative of a 3-letter government intelligence agency once came around to inquire whether she might be interested in going to work there. Much later in life […]
Water On Rock
A person’s life emerges from their experiences. The daily ups and downs craft our being like water on rock. We emerge—for better or worse—from countless decision points and random events that occur as we travel toward future. For most of us, the events of our lives are ours to ponder and not a matter of […]
Just because I “know” doesn’t mean I “remember”
Image of Ground Zero Memorial by Oleg Illarionov on Unsplash It’s a tricky thing, supporting others who have experienced great loss. Even when you yourself have experienced great loss. Even when you have experienced the “same” great loss, dammit. It’s a tricky thing because of so many tricky things. Tricky things like the natural human […]
Deathiversary Two
Last week was a heavy week for me. Thursday marked two years since Tony died by suicide, leaving behind unanswered questions and heartache. These are the waves of grief we see coming and we can almost prepare for them. Last Monday, I sent the kids to school, wrote my blog, and then let the sadness […]
Finding Your Tribe
So, a couple of things happened this past weekend that are relevant to loss, and life in the aftermath of loss. The first thing is that on Friday evening, I hosted a comedy show. It was a fund-raiser for a local non-profit here in Gardner, MA called “Alyssa’s Place Peer Recovery Center.” They deal in […]
Salvaging the Past
Years ago when I still lived in my hometown of Hackensack, NJ, I acquired a stained glass masterpiece; a window that had been removed from one of the city’s stately mansions demolished to make way for another new high-rise condominium complex along Prospect Avenue with a amazing view of NYC in the distance. Measuring approximately […]
Taken for Granted
As is my custom, my first waking act was to raise the shade covering my rear door and survey the yard. Just this past week I’d taken advantage of favorable weather conditions to ready the yard for the growing season. And quickly, signs of new life were appearing everywhere. Happily, I saw that the red […]
Questioning in Pairs
Why does two years seem so short as time measures you gone? Time. Infinitely short, yet excruciatingly long. How is it that sometimes you’re near when you reside afar? You. Elusive and unable to be summoned here at will. Why do they say the veil is thin when most times […]