I took advantage of the unseasonably early warm weather to get a jump on my landscaping. As a first act, I picked up a pair of soft knee pads from Home Depot, put them on, crawled into the low space below my deck, carefully avoided bumping my head, and spent the bulk of one recent […]
Blog
The Dress
From the Funeral A cute black dress came forward right on time. I was shopping (alone) for something to wear to the funeral for my husband of fifty-one years, nine months. I don’t enjoy shopping, so procrastination prevailed until the 11th hour. This smart black dress with just the right amount of sleeve and buttons […]
8th April
Photos my own, taken today It generates a sicky feeling in my tummy. A sinking of my heart. A shortening of my breath. An increase in my heart’s rate. A tensing of my belly. A weakening of my arms’ and legs’ strength. Trembly fingers. This date. 8th of April. Typing it out. Seeing […]
Missing My Bookend
I am quickly approaching the two-year mark of Tony’s passing. In a way, I just want to get past the 20th of this month so I can put that date in my rearview window, versus watching for its head on approach. The grief is different now than it was in the beginning. I no longer […]
Thoughts on Life and Death and Easter Bunnies
Happy Easter to those who celebrate. To those who dont, or who DO but arent yet wanting to or ready to after grief has rocked your world into orbit, Happy Day. For those who are too raw right now to feel “happy” anything – I will say simply “Day.” Just “day.” Lets just acknowledge that […]
Timelines and Revisions
A few years ago when I was working as a Substitute Teacher, or as some of us say, “Guest Educator” I recall a day spent as a librarian for a local elementary school. In addition to returning and choosing new books, each class spent time on an activity such as word search, cross word […]
5 years.
Today makes 5 years. I can’t wrap my head around it. It feels so big and significant. I know it is just another anniversary year, but 5 feels somehow bigger–like a milestone. In a way, I feel like a lot of the time since Boris died was sort-of robbed from me. The COVID-19 pandemic hit […]
Taking Stock
I’ve explained that my recent travels with Lola the pup to explore Arizona and parts southwest felt like an imperative. Simply put, I had to go. To accomplish the mission I did a lot of driving over a short period of time. Today, back home, I realize it was unnecessary and possibly even a mistake. […]
Examining the Light Between Us
In 2021 I was gifted a book written by Laura Lynn Jackson named SIGNS: The Secret Language of the Universe. The author is a psychic medium who penned the New York Times bestseller The Light Between Us: Stories from Heaven, Lessons for the Living. I found Laura Lynne unique among other mediums I’d met. Before […]
The Body Remembers – Again
This morning I awoke at exactly 4h00. It’s not entirely uncommon that I am awake around that time. But to awaken at exactly 4h00. On 30th March. The body remembers. Nineteen years ago, at that very moment, I woke up. I needed the loo. As in to poo. And I knew. Because late […]
Boundaries as a Superpower
Setting boundaries might be my widow superpower. Okay, maybe not a superpower but it’s a skill I continue to learn to flex. By nature, I’m a people pleaser who hates confrontation. However, losing Tony and experiencing everything that comes along with that loss changes a person. I don’t have the time or the capacity to […]
Seeing Our Way Through
Last week I took my one and a half year old pup, Quint, to the Animal Eye Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida, for an official vision assessment. Not surprisingly, the specialist confirmed that Quint’s vision was severely impaired due to detached retinas in both eyes and a tear in one. He also confirmed that his condition […]