I always miss Tony, but I found myself missing him at every turn this week.
Our youngest was denied a spot on the soccer team with his friends again this year. I cannot help to think if Tony were here, he would be in the unofficial Dad Club where these decisions are made. I do my best to infiltrate it, I’m at almost every sport practice and game but it’s not the same. I’m not in the dugout or the player sidelines. The coaches don’t strategize with me about the players or the game. I’ll never really know if he would have gotten a spot on the team in that alternate universe where Tony’s still alive, but it makes me wonder. Instead, I shed a tears because my heart hurts for my baby, then I put on a smile and try and spin the news when I tell him.
After running the kids around to every practice and game for the week, I met a few mom friends from school nearby for an evening drink. I had left the kids home with permission to have some ice cream before bed. I had been gone maybe an hour when my oldest called in a panic. “Mom, something happened.” You can imagine the wheels I had spinning. He carried on telling me that water was pouring out of the top of his toilet. I hadn’t even hung up the phone as I grabbed my purse and said I would Venmo whoever for my order. As I scurried to the car, my friend who rode with me called her husband to run down the street to help. They had stopped the overflow, moped up the water, and had the kids start washing the towels in the 7 minutes it took me to get home.
Thank goodness I told the kids they could have ice cream! When they went to the garage to get it out of the freezer, they noticed water dripping from the ceiling and were smart enough to go investigating. They caught the water leaking before it ran into the carpeted bedroom or completed ruined the bathroom flooring. Water spots on the garage ceiling are the least of my concerns. But my mind was racing on that quick drive home on what the damage would look like. How would I fix it? Who would repair it? Tony knew so much about construction and was good at it. This was a crisis he would have handled.
Friday rolled around and it was time for the Fifth Grade Farewell at our elementary school. Since it was pouring rain but too late to postpone, the organizers were scrambling to make it work. They sent out a request for cornhole boards. I volunteered 2 sets that Tony had made. My 5th grader helped Tony build and design one of the sets. He was so proud to get to have them at the event and play on them. The farewell event ended with a slideshow. He had me submit our last good family vacation photo. Those moments are always so awkward trying to decide if you should feature a picture when your family felt complete or now. Knowing it was coming, I felt on the verge of crying the whole slide show.
This blog feels like a long ramble this week. However, I think it also showcases the various ways we might miss our person in any given day or week. It’s always there but the pain points change with the circumstances.