Happy Easter to those who celebrate. To those who dont, or who DO but arent yet wanting to or ready to after grief has rocked your world into orbit, Happy Day. For those who are too raw right now to feel “happy” anything – I will say simply “Day.” Just “day.” Lets just acknowledge that today is a day, and that you can try again today. Or lay in bed and practice blanket therapy. Whatever works.
Last week, I forgot to write in here. AGAIN. My brain is scrambled because of life and other things, and sometimes I just forget to write. Im sorry. My parents were staying with us for the weekend and things were hectic because last Sunday I hosted a Surprise 60th Birthday Party for my husband Nick. The last time I hosted and planned a surprise party, it was for my parents, and I was in my 20’s, and my brother and I had LOTS of help doing it. This time, my parents were super helpful on that day, but they are 2 hours away now and this was my thing, so planning a surprise party for your husband who you live with, and pulling it off somehow, was very challenging. And yes, stressful. But we did it. And it was last Sunday, and so my mind was on that, and I forgot to write in here. When I forget to write in here, its never because I dont need to or want to or have somehow “moved past it” – its just because my life is chaos and if things arent written in my Google calendar, I forget to do them. And sometimes, even when they ARE in my calendar, I still forget. Because life.
Anyway, Im back. And today is Easter. And I just went down to our basement to feed our kitty Autumn and pet her and love her some, and I saw my stuffed animal who is a bunny named “Bunny” – sitting there on the little couch that Autumn sits on sometimes. And I picked him up and started laughing and even teared up a little. Bunny is down there everyday, but I rarely take the time to notice him. But today is a special day. Today is Bunny’s birthday. So, when I was 3 years old, on Easter Sunday, like every year, my parents planned an Easter hunt for me and my brother. There was candy and plastic eggs filled with quarters, and other fun stuff for little kids. And then, hiding underneath my mom’s sewing machine, was this stuffed animal bunny rabbit that would become my best friend and cuddle bunny throughout my childhood. “Bunny!”, I yelled, and held him in my arms. “I love him!” Since that day, he has come with me everywhere. He even went to Russia with us our senior year in high school when our Soviet STudies class took a trip there. He went To NYC and to college, to my apartment living after college. Don joined the fun when he met Bunny. He thought it was adorable that I had this stuffed animal and had kept it as an adult. He played along with my silliness regarding Bunny. When Bunny started slowly breaking down, my dad would play doctor and stitch him back up, sew on his ear, pop an eyeball back into him, whatever it took. These days, Bunny is lookin pretty rough, and most people in my life say shockingly “You still have that ugly thing?” Which makes me laugh, because it really is funny. And also, yes, I still have him. I will keep him until he literally falls apart on me. He is a part of my life, and seeing his tattered up body with the stuffing falling out makes me feel comfort, and brings back loving memories of a simpler time.
Bunny is 49 years old today. He has stayed with me through widowhood, and now through finding love again. When I told my husband Nick that today is Bunnys birthday, he said, “well then, he needs to come out of the basement and spend today up here with us! Its a special day!” So he sits here next to me and is up here with us (I have no clue how to upload pics to here, sorry. ), and Easter is not as we expected this year, and we are just staying home and having a Zoom with my parents later, because life things happened and now we cant go to Cape Cod this weekend to see them as planned. But things happen. And I have my Bunny. And things will be okay. Maybe. They might not be. Beccause life is not always okay. But if you can find small silly things to help you through, to help you be in that momentary feeling where today and yesterday melt together like a perfect sauce – that is sometimes everything, and sometimes it is enough.
Happy Easter. Happy Day.
Or just “Day.”
Wherever you are at today, it’s okay.
It’s probably where you need to be.