At home I have a big bathroom. Built and decorated by Mike. So big that it has two basins, each with a mirror above it. “His ‘n’ Hers”. Two basins are not common in European bathrooms. Houses don’t usually have the space. In between the basins and the mirrors, stuck to the wall with blu-tack, is a yellowing, curly-edged, typed piece of…
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Hustle and Bustle
I’m sitting in a coffee shop that is brimming with hustle and bustle and holiday cheer. And, amid all the merriment and the hum of constant conversation I am realizing, for the thousandth time, how very detached I’ve become. Sitting here alone at my table, I put in my earphones, then I cranked up my music because I just can’t listen to…
The Ghosts of Christmas Past , Present and Future
Thanksgiving was a beast in itself but Christmas can be the kraken in unicorn’s clothing. I love parts of Christmas like the lights, smell of Christmas trees and giving others gifts. It’s the other parts – families gathering, couples under the mistletoe, Hallmark everything that always ends up like a fairytale…Tin was 1000% in with Christmas.
Six Degrees of Don Shepherd
There are some days, still, where my late husband Don dies over and over again. Or at least it feels that way. As the years go by, all the things and all the people and all the ways that I am connected to Don Shepherd – they change. they alter. They die. And whenever this happens, it feels sort of like he is dying all over again. …
Feeling Numb
I can tell you as I am sitting here in my living room writing this blog, I am feeling numb. In the past two months, they found an irregular function with my heart, my house got hit by a tornado, and thankfully only knocked down a wall in my backyard. I had to get my roof redone and as they were putting in the new roof, a bunch of water poured all…
Sublime and Surreal~
My brain and body…both are too tired to string together too many sentences. I say too tired, but it isn’t from tiredness really, as much as it is a whole lot of stimulation in the past few days. My mom used to say that stress happens with good and bad things both. That our body feels it as stress whatever it is. This has been good stress in the…
Bah Humbug
I am trying to get festive. I really am. But little things tick me off. Like Christmas decorations. Particularly the really garish ones. And the plastic snowmen. The ones in our house are okay. Right now, that’s the sum total of an undecorated Christmas tree. And fairy lights that never actually went down after Christmas 2017. Somehow they have…
White Christmas
The first year, Christmas came along 6 weeks after he died. In many ways, this was a blessing because I was in such shock. I have almost no recollection of that first Christmas without him. And, I think this is the way it had to be. I know that I cooked a complete turkey dinner, but I don’t remember who sat around my table. I can’t recall…
A Christmas to Remember
You would think that becoming widowed just before the holiday season could make said holidays an overbearing mixture of grief, stress, and memories going forward. That remembering that first Christmas without Megan, watching a seven-year-old Shelby bounding down the stairs to a room in which her father was already bawling, would not be the ideal…
I Choose to Believe
A week ago I was given an opportunity at a big event to share with my essential oil community about inclusion, community and growth. It amazes me what has come into my life in the past year. Part of my oil journey is the loss of Tin. I share about him in every speech I give. I share about Soaring Spirits and I share about the widowed Facebook…
What Was and What Is
Life is pretty good. Eight and a half years later. I have my struggles. I have my hard days. I have my really, really, really hard days. But I also have good days. And I have really, really good days. I have joy. There was a time I thought there would never be joy. I have love. Beautiful, wonderful, chaotic, messy, complicated,…
I Will Always Wonder
I know it’s not healthy to think about what could have been. But sometimes I let my mind wander and take a peek of the life we could have had if you had never had your accident. I know this can’t ever exist, but I will always wonder. I will always wonder if we would have grown old together. If we truly would have decorated our wheelchairs…