Life is pretty good. 

Eight and a half years later. 

I have my struggles. 

I have my hard days. 

I have my really, really, really hard days. 

But I also have good days. 

And I have really, really good days. 

I have joy. 

There was a time I thought there would never be joy. 

I have love. 

Beautiful, wonderful, chaotic, messy, complicated, precious love. 

There were days when love was not something I was interested in. 

I have friends. 

Really amazing friends. 

And family. 

Incredible and supportive family. 

Life is pretty good. 

Life is also terrifying, short, heartbreaking. confusing, and unpredictable. 

As a widow of sudden death, I am forever waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

It is hard for me to convince myself that being happy is a thing that can last awhile. 

It is difficult to not fall into the trap of feeling like everything will soon disappear again, 

and the life I knew will be over. 

Its really hard. 

Its something I fight daily. 

To not give in to that belief. 

To not let the fear win out. 

To remember what was, with pride – 

and embrace what is, with confidence – 

and to find peace, 

somewhere in between. 

 

Im going to keep trying. 

Some days this feels easier than others. 

But I will never give up. 

That life I had 

is forever a part of me,

and this life continues to evolve into something

that makes me smile greatly. 

 

I will keep trying my best,

not to be afraid of all the great things

this life can bring, 

while always carrying that life and all it’s beauty

with me

so it can come along

for this crazy ride.