I spent last weekend, starting on Thursday, at a rally for people who own T@b trailers, as I do. My little rig has been my home on the road in the years since Chuck’s death. It’s tiny in every way, but still has a surprising amount of room inside of it, for me and for storage. I’m 5’1 and it gives me a little bit of clearance over my head. I can…
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Sticky Issues
When I was turning 20, (back in the last millennium, and indeed more than a decade before its end), a few people asked me, “what do you want for your 20th birthday?” I answered, “Twenty years between now and when I am 30”. I thought it was a very clever answer. And it was also an honest answer, based on my worldview at the time. My…
So Far Away
Lately, Mike feels so far away. It is very hard to properly describe, but I will give it a try. He has taken on the feel of a memory. Now, Mike feels like more of a memory than my person. I feel lousy admitting this. It sort of feels like he is dying all over again. In my head, Mike feels like someone who lived once upon a time – in…
What’s hard for Two Widowed People in Love: Two Second Fiddles
A while ago, Mike and I wrote this post together about some of the things that are harder about being two widowed people in a new relationship. In that post, we talked about how we aren’t ever able to really pull the widow card on one another, because essentially – it’s canceled out. We’ve both been through an equally hard pain. We have…
Divine Dimes
I have been more open-minded and openhearted to try and see signs from Tin. Some say that it is just circumstance but it helps me. It is really interesting how we have preset thoughts about certain things and “superstitions”. For my whole life I always heard that if you find a penny than it is a penny from Heaven -A small shiny token to tell…
Grief and Insomnia
Grief is a bitch. As is insomnia. As am I, when I don’t sleep. Eh, that’s not entirely true. It just sounded catchy. I hate when I can’t shut my mind down though, and it fills with thoughts of death-grief-trauma related things. Mostly; the thoughts always seem to come back to the simple heart aching fact that I will always miss Don , I hate that he…
Taking Things for Granted Replay
With Mari’s departure on Thursdays, we’ll be featuring repeats from Mike’s posts over the years. Enjoy this piece, originally written in 2016. You don’t realize how important the little things are until you don’t have them. It could be something as simple as sitting on the couch, watching TV until you fall asleep with your partner, and…
I Thought of You~
I thought of you last night. One night among all the thousands of nights that have passed since your hand last grasped mine, As we lay next to each other in the dark. I thought of your breath Your arms braced As you raised yourself above me, The passion in your eyes A mere reflection of mine. Our bodies sweaty and slick As we moved this way and…
Too Many Deaths. Really. That’s Enough Now
I have just come back from what should have been two lovely days away with my Medjool. My new love. My number two. (Not Second Best. Just Number Two. Subtle but Important difference). Some of our time away was lovely – truly relaxing, soothing, stunningly beautiful, comforting, renewing, and more. And some of it was just plain horrid. For me.
Bad Ass
Recently, a widowed person told me I am a “Bad Ass”. She said this in relation to what she views as my bravery and courage. I assure you, I do not view myself as particularly brave or courageous. I feel like an ordinary, if not slightly disorientated and haggard, middle aged woman. Sure, I know that I am capable of tough stuff. …
Wounds that Never Close
So many people in our modern society are not well versed in the ways of grief. When you have never lived a year, or five years, or 50 years with the death of someone you love, you just don’t know what that will mean or be like. I have both the fortune and misfortune of having lost people at a young age… and so while I still have relatively…
Your Death is a Pain in the Ass Replay
Kelley Lynn is spending the weekend away from home, so we’re posting this replay of one of her blog posts from 2016. Enjoy! Beyond the missing of you ….. Beyond the not having my best friend, my teammate, my lover, my all-things-in-life go-to person …… Beyond not having our future to look forward to, or our today to live ….. …