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I Thought of You~

Posted on: January 15, 2020 | Posted by: Alison Miller

I thought of you last night.

One night among all the thousands of nights that have passed since your hand last grasped mine,

As we lay next to each other in the dark.

I thought of your breath 

Your arms braced

As you raised yourself above me,

The passion in your eyes

A mere reflection of mine.

Our bodies sweaty and slick

As we moved this way and that,

Our combined breaths raspy and raw.

My dearest, my beloved, my knight, my hero, my lover, my husband…

I thought of you last night,

As I turned my body to face where you would be

In another life time and if life were fair.

I turned to face you

And my eyes lit not upon you

But on a rectangular box covered with pictures of you when you were here,

And a triangle shape of red and white stripes and white stars.

My hand reached out to caress what is left of you in physical form,

Fingers curled around those stripes and stars,

And I remembered your strong body raised over mine…

Passion, Love…so much Love…

And closed my eyes towards fitful sleep again…

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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