I’ve been sewing and gluing all day long. Tomorrow will be more of the same. On Thursday I’ll run last minute errands and then hitch my rig, PinkMagic, to my pink car. Very early Friday morning I’ll meet my film team and we’ll head first to Sedona AZ and then Zion Nat’l Park in Utah. The time has come, as the walrus said…This weekend my team and…
Blog
Self-Care, Help, and Letting in Comfort
I have been pondering comfort, self-care, and help – what each of them is, to me, and what makes one or other easier and/or more accessible than another. Here is where I am at. And no, I have done no Googling or other research into what each of them is. Just research in my own life and experience. They are oft-used terms in Griefland – wobbly…
Present
This will be my fourth Christmas without him. We only shared one Christmas together so, why does Mike’s absence weigh so heavy on me when I have lived most of my life without him? Well, there are many reasons outliving Mike is hard; there are just too many things to mention. And, really, it is the intangible things that are hardest to live…
Talking to Fear
Yesterday Mike and I booked the first big part of our honeymoon for next summer – a beautiful cabin set in between Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. It’s exciting for sure, but also, terrifying… Why does something this simple have to be so scary for me? I spent entirely too much time online checking reviews and double checking other…
Unbalanced or Balanced
Lately, I’ve been getting this urge to try to find balance in my life. What is the balance? Some people would say, it is to have a job, a family, stability, and security. All those things sound great, but life throws at us unexpected unimaginable things, and somehow someway we can still manage them. So by managing the unimaginable, does that mean…
It’s About Time
Yes. I know. I have a funny thing about time. And dates. I take time to reflect on time and what time is, or might be. Linear? Circular? Fluid? Fixed? Conceptual? Real? Polychronic? Monochronic? Measurable? Full of meaning and emotion? Or void of emotion and meaning? Time takes on such a different meaning, a different feel, post-loss. People say…
Happy Birthday to Me
Today as I type this it is my fourth Birthday as a widow. Since Mike died I have never celebrated my birthday and felt authentically happy. I have always deeply felt his absence and my birthday has been difficult at best. Really, birthdays have never been a big deal to me – even when Mike was alive. And, I have to admit, he only lived to…
Thanks-Grieving
Last year I could barely walk through the grocery store during the holidays. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite and the thought of even buying ingredients was too much. This year, I told myself that it wasn’t right to stop celebrating. Tin wouldn’t want that at all. So I took a deep breath, swallowed what felt like a rock in my throat and…
Remembering, Honoring, and Trying to Live on Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving can be tough if you are living with the death of someone you love. One thing I have learned during this 8-year long (so far) grief tsunami, is that talking about the person I love who died and sharing stories about them helps greatly. Remembering them with love , acknowledging that they lived and they matter, is not only important, but…
The Roller Coaster of Grief
Grief is like a roller-coaster, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. There is no actual manual on how to navigate all this. There are resources to help you with it, but everyone deals with things differently. I feel like this roller-coaster of grief is tricky. I feel like I have made great progress in moving forward with my grief, but I…
Raise Your Hand~
I thought about reposting my WV blog from 2015 for this week. Because I pretty much feel the same way, regarding the holidays. Except worse. As a 6 1/2 year veteran of this wid life, I kind of hate owning up to how difficult this all is for me still. I don’t want to scare those of you who are just stepping out onto the road. But I also feel the…
Mourning Glories
One of my favourite widbuds is Charlotte, who I met last year at the Soaring Spirits Camp Widow event in Toronto 2018. She is beautiful and strong and capable and clever and funny. And she’s grieving. And despite her grieving, she attended my daughter’s funeral, “just because she happened to be in Europe at the time”. We are both in a…