The past three days have been loaded with all the feels. Friday was Lunar New Year, which is an important holiday for Boris’s family. They usually celebrated as a family in some way and he’d always get a little red envelope with money. I know the holiday must be challenging for his parents and sister […]
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Wid-OWED
Wid-OWED This week has been tough. I have had conversations with probate court to try and finalize Clayton’s Will and picked up Stallone’s (our cat) ashes back from the veterinarian. Now he and Clayton sit on a bookshelf until we can figure out a funeral for them. I’m coming up on 3 years since Clayton […]
Thoughts from my Head and Stuff
Im coming off of the end of the work week, just got home, remembered that I once again FORGOT to write my Friday blog in here, and I’ve had about 3 hours of sleep last night. So the following may or may not make much sense, and I take no responsibility for the randomness you […]
Dream a Little Dream of Me.
“Night breezes seem to whisper ‘I love you’ Birds singing in the sycamore treeDream a little dream of me” “Dream A Little Dream of Me.” Music by Fabian Andre and Wilbur Schwandt and lyrics by Gus Kahn (1931).*****************I have dreamed of Lee only 3 times that I can recall. The first time, we’re standing together. […]
Music and a Love Story~
Music is a huge part of my life, as it is for so many of us as we live our daily lives. A few days ago, as I listened to my music playlist titled Chuck, it took me a moment before I realized that my entire body had relaxed. Not only had it relaxed but […]
Hello Wall
One of my favourite ever films is Shirley Valentine. It came out in 1989 when I was 22 and had already been in relationship with Mike for two years. I remember feeling so sure that I would not while my life away, or stick around being unappreciated and taken advantage of. Most of the story […]
The Evolution of Grief part 2 (of many)
Once my grief settled into me, I was able to move through life in a far less clumsy way. As counterintuitive as it sounds, by allowing my grief to make a home within me, I was finally able to free myself of it. With grief housed safely inside me, I was able to live with more agility. When I let both my grief and my unbridled, wild hunger for life to coexist within me I found a type of peace that had eluded me previously.
Coexistence is the only peaceful way I’ve been able to manage my grief. This last year, I have allowed my grief to “be”. To be part of me. To be within me. I must emphasize, grief is not who I am; I am so much more than Mike’s widow. But, undeniably, my grief is part of my psyche.
Cemetery Thoughts
Currently, most of Boris’s ashes are interred in a cemetery in Atlanta. I did not think this was something Boris would have wanted at the time, especially considering the hefty price tag. He was too practical and untraditional. However, his mom wanted to have a place to go visit him and she wanted that for […]
The Peter Pan Perspective
I couldn’t wait to grow up. I can distinctly remember being in 5th grade and telling myself I only had to deal with this for 7 more years and then I’d be free to fly. I’ve always been a big dreamer. At times my imagination would create beautiful worlds and outcomes of grandeur. I’d have […]
Superbowl Weekend
So today is February 5th, which is the anniversary of the day that Don Shepherd packed up his entire life into a Penske truck, and drove from Florida to New Jersey to officially move in with me, and begin our life together. At the end of that same year, 2005, he would propose, on the […]
Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself.
[I am on the road all week. In my absence I have decided to reprint my initial contribution to this blog. It concerns a tough time in my life. Most important, my sweet wife was recently deceased. Additionally, these were scary and uncertain days because of the pandemic. If you have read my jottings, then […]
February~
On February 18, Chuck and I would have celebrated 31 years together. It sucks that he’s dead and we can’t rejoice in being together. We wouldn’t have anything necessarily planned. Maybe go out to dinner, wherever we happened to be in our travels. It would have most definitely wrapped up with great sex. Fucking cancer […]