Im coming off of the end of the work week, just got home, remembered that I once again FORGOT to write my Friday blog in here, and I’ve had about 3 hours of sleep last night. So the following may or may not make much sense, and I take no responsibility for the randomness you are about to read. I have no plan of what to talk about today, so I think I will just spew out words from my face and see where it lands. Is that cool with all of you? Cool.
So Im a remarried widow, and today, I went and picked up our wedding license, which finally came in to Town Hall. After paying the $10 to own my wedding license or certificate or whatever its called, I went back to my car and sat and looked it over for a few minutes. One part of it said that this is my 2nd marriage, and then it listed the reason for my 1st marriage “dissolving” as “Widowed.” As odd as this sounds, it made me HAPPY beyond words that I am listed as widowed ON MY MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE. I mean, that basically says it all right there, the weirdness and clusterf**k that is my life. The fact that Im Nick’s wife AND I’m Don’s widow, always, is being acknowledged in print by the state of Massachusetts. That’s a big-ass deal to me, becauase so many times society or people have tried to erase Don from my life, or they have asked me to erase him, and I simply WILL NOT do that, not ever.
So that was cool.
Last night I slept at my parents house, which is 5 minutes away. When Nick and I moved into our apartment together back in March of 2020, we decided that my parents would keep my 2 cats at their house because A: this building doesnt allow pets B: the cats are old now and I dont know how they would handle another move/change of environment and C: I live 5 minutes away and go over there several times per week to hug and love on the kitties, so for them, its almost like Im still there, except Im not there at night. So, once a week, usually on Wednesday nights, I sleep at my parents house, in my old room, in my old bed, and I cuddle with the kitties all night. I love it because they are a piece of that life I had with Don, and they are what I have left that are living things that we took care of together. Sammy is almost 21 yrs old now, he isnt doing great, but he is hanging in there and he is still VERY loveable and happy and purrs like a fiend – he’s just old and getting weak and his fur is dull and you get the feeling that his time is limited. When that happens, I will be a mess, but right now, I just love on him as much as possible. He used to sleep wrapped around Don’s head, like a wreath. For real. You would think this would have bothered Don, but it didnt. He would always smile and laugh and somehow, he would fall asleep with a cat ON HIS FACE. Well, last night, Sammy was trying that crap with me, and he kept cuddling up to my eyeballs and my mouth, as if he wanted to sleep inside my face. Its like he couldnt get close enough. I am not Don, and so I couldnt breathe with his fur in my mouth and up my nose, and I kept sneezing and spitting out fur, and I kept gently pushing him just a couple inches away so I could breathe, and he kept coming right back, and this is how I spent my evening, therefore getting about 3 hours of sleep. Thanks Sammy!
Its Valentines Day this weekend. Im sure lots of you are feeling not too great about that, and Im sure some of you just wish it would go away entirely. I totally understand that feeling. I felt that for years, and honestly, its still not my favorite day. I will say this: your story matters. Your love matters. If it doesnt hurt too much, celebrate that. If it hurts too much, then do what you can to take care of yourself this weekend. If that means staying under the blankets and not dealing with life for a day or two, fine. Do that. Sometimes that is the only thing that helps, because sometimes nothing helps.
Im around if anyone ever wants to talk. I have finally figured out how to reply to comments here, so I will finally answer you now if you comment. Ha!!! Im a bit slow when it comes to these types of things. Happy Friday everyone. Lets honor our beautiful love stories. If you feel like it, tell me something about your person who died in the comments. Anything you feel like sharing. Id love to hear it.