It’s the truth.
With time and hard work it becomes less consuming.
Know that these changes do not happen all at once or in a linear fashion.
Day by day grief slowly evolves.
And, as months turn into years,
Grief continues to show up.
It remains present…
I now know and accept that grief will be my companion for the rest of my life.
It’s true, 4.2 years later, my tears fall less frequently.
But they *still* fall.
I have these stale tears because the love remains.
And, because the love stays, the missing does too.
The missing underlies the laughter.
But, I am so very, very grateful that there is laughter again, finally.
Grief and Joy can learn to coexist inside you.
This is the beauty and strength of the human spirit.
A long time ago, I did not understand any of this. I thought that I had to defeat my grief. I misunderstood the task. I thought it was my job to overcome it. I did not understand that instead of fighting my grief, I needed to learn to live with it. I didn’t realize that I needed to surrender and fall into harmony with it. I didn’t know that I needed to allow the grief to incorporate itself into my bones.
Once my grief settled into me, I was able to move through life in a far less clumsy way. As counterintuitive as it sounds, by allowing my grief to make a home within me, I was finally able to free myself of it. With grief housed safely inside me, I was able to live with more agility. When I let both my grief and my unbridled, wild hunger for life to coexist within me I found a type of peace that had eluded me previously.
Coexistence is the only peaceful way I’ve been able to manage my grief. This last year, I have allowed my grief to “be”. To be part of me. To be within me. I must emphasize, grief is not who I am; I am so much more than Mike’s widow. But, undeniably, my grief is part of my psyche.
Over the years, I have come to know that grief is not my enemy. My grief is just my love for him. And, I can wrap my arms around this love. This is what I needed to do all along, except I didn’t because I did not recognize my grief for what it was. I see now that my grief is simply my love for Mike in disguise. Now, the mask is off. I know what my grief is. I can give it a name now. My grief is my love and I know it is not going anywhere. And, finally I am okay with this. I am no longer trying to outrun it. I’ve given it a place within me and I am building my new life around it. I am confident that the bones of this new home are strong. I know that I am going to be okay, more than okay; and so are you.
Our joy, laughter and contentment are not dependent on sunshine and blue skies and perfect situations.
“We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end.”