Widow's Voice

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So long and thanks for all the fish

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This is my last post here on the Widow’s Voice. I started writing this blog here one year ago, and now it’s time for me to pass the baton. Although I have sincerely enjoyed sharing all my thoughts and my journey with you, it is time to move forward. Others, who are in a different place than I am (and who are in need of sharing their thoughts and feelings with others) are waiting in the wings to write.

Instead of continuing to write about how I feel after losing Suzanne, I had started to share my healing adventure. This meant a new kind of catharsis. Alas, this became too much like “teaching” and not sharing. Which meant the focus of my posts was shifting; and they no longer served this community without being “self-promoting”. So this is my last…

A Wave of Fresh Green Grief Amidst the Snowy Whiteness

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Yesterday was a gloriously sunny day, brilliant and bright and fresh and sparkling after the recent snowfalls. Medjool and I had already decided that we would head up into the Jura for a cross-country ski. He knows the region better than I do and so selected where we went. A place that was new-to-me for […]

Worries and Whys

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Growing up, I suffered from severe asthma, allergies, etc. It was common for me to take medication daily. I can recall the shear panic if my wheezing started and I couldn’t find my rescue inhaler. I couldn’t do what the “normal” kids did and I was bullied, left out and judged. As I got older, […]

Busy Chaotic Struggling Me

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So last week I totally forgot to write in here. This is not the first time I have forgotten my widow duties. It has nothing at all to do with getting remarried or not WANTING or needing to write in here. I love writing in here. It has more to do with trying to find […]

Resurfacing

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After months and months of nearly drowning in my own tears, I summoned the fight and fortitude needed to kicked up against rock bottom.  I let myself feel the pain of my separation from Mike.  I felt it to the depths of my bones. I endured the pain. I swallowed my loss when I was choking on it.  I made myself breathed in life when I could not get air.  I digested my grief when it nauseated me to the point that I had to hold my hair back as I threw up into the toilet.  I persisted.  I continued when I thought I could no longer live another second without him.  I did all this like so many widowed people before me.  I survived because I had no other choice.  I am an ordinary woman who endured what requires superhuman strength.  I am widowed strong.

Afterlife Thoughts

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I have complicated feelings about the Afterlife. I grew up in a Christian and relatively conservative family and I used to have confidence in my beliefs: when you die, you go to Heaven or Hell. It’s that simple. Then, I got older and started to question the existence of Hell. After that, I began to […]

Under This Widowed Weight

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Throughout caring for Clayton before he died, I felt the weight of responsibilities. The weight of being a caregiver and the weight of working full time, the weight of making sure medications were dosed and delivered on time, the weight of his comfort and the weight of emotions. Heaviest of all for me, the weight […]