Life in the after is strange and weird and ill-fitting . What once was no longer is. Our physical world changes as intensely as our emotional world after our person dies. Even if our surroundings are the same, there is a person missing from those surroundings. The chair where our person sat. The table where […]
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Sweet Grief
Main photo by Marcus Ganahl on Unsplash I am reading and/or listening to two startlingly wonderful books at the moment. Both make me sob and cry; my throat constricts, my shoulders slump and shake. Reading can be so physical and emotional. The first book (that I am actually reading) is “Dear Life” by Rachel Clarke, […]
Option B(e) – Take 2
When I finally chose to breathe life back into myself I recognized that I had the power, potential and capability to “BE” whoever I wanted. And, realizing this has made all the difference for me.
The beauty of rebuilding our broken selves is that we can BE who we want to become.
And, this is big, powerful stuff.
He should be here…
My parents are moving this coming weekend and it’s brought up some grief thoughts (of course!). I have been thinking about how Boris will never know their new house. But, then I realized that he never knew their current one either. They have only been in it for two years. But, it feels like he […]
Heartbreak Hangover
Last week took me on an exhausting emotional tour. The week before being widowed hits me harder than any single memory or special day. The emotional stress is heightened to such a level that when it starts to subside, I can physically feel the effects – Tired from lack of sleep, disturbed by nightmares, sore […]
A Million Little Goodbyes
This week was emotional, in the way that probably only other widowed folks would totally understand. On the surface, a few little things happened that were somewhat sad. But in widow-land, all those things got amped up and took me back, at least in part, to the sudden death of my husband, and life in […]
An Odyssey of Love~
Once upon a time… A man stole my heart Right out of my chest. It’s ok that he stole it, Because he gave me his in return. He held my heart so carefully with his two hands. This man, dressed in the uniform of the US Air Force, Pledged to Love me, cherish me, honor […]
Alchemising Impermanence
Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash Sometime around the age of 5, children learn that things and people die. Of course, some very young kids learn this earlier, through the tragedy of a close human death in their immediate entourage – be it the death of a sibling, parent or grandparent. But for the most […]
Sometimes it hits you in the middle of Target.
Grief can be so predictable at times. Birthdays, anniversaries, visiting a special place, milestones, or reading an old card–I can prepare for those. I know those will be tough. Sometimes more than I expected and sometimes less. But, grief has a way of sneaking up on me at times and in places where I did […]
The Grief Tour
This week, my week before widowed, I took a trip off the main path of my journey and doubled back to the places I saw you last. My head said “yes” but my heart said “no don’t go”. It’s been 1,098 days since I could actually touch you, hear you and see you in person. […]
April Snow
Today is April 16th. It is spring. Last weekend my husband and I were out rowing a boat on the lake and it was almost 80 degrees and gorgeous outside. There were butterflies and birds and deer and ducks and the humans were out on the water and spring and hope were in the air […]
My Recipe. I Don’t Have One~
As I approach the 8 year mark, That will always be 7 years for me, Because how can I bear to count further the years you are missing from me? I have no secret recipe, no sweet story of how I got from there… April 21, 2013 to here… April 21, 2021. If someone were […]