Back when I was a kid, growing up in smalltown Groton Massachusetts, one of the very first people I met was a boy named Scot. Throughout our entire childhood, Scot and I were very close friends. We were inseperable. We were the kind of friends where whenever someone would mention one of us, they would […]
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The Little Boy and the Box of Crayons
As I keep walking forward along this widowed path, I’m coming across familiar terrain that I thought I left far behind in my life. No one really tells you that when you become widowed you revisit all of your old worries so I’m going to say it now for those who follow me in grief […]
There’s no crying in baseball.
I am writing this on Tuesday night. I am very late in writing my Friday post, as I have been many times, and I appreciate the grace. Between caregiving for my dad, graduate school, and sometimes just feeling like I have nothing to say, some weeks I struggle to write something by Friday. But, tonight, […]
Planning to Get Away
Recently I have been spending time considering possible warm weather destinations for a mid-February hiatus. Here in the northern climes the specter of another harsh Winter leaves us daydreaming of a Winter getaway. Such getaways are not necessarily limited to the warm weather […]
Fall
autumn leaves turn colors as summer leaves us fall’s cool nights arrive; a smell of cinnamon nutmeg and memories surround. I fall as fall arrives; fall into the downward spiral of grief; beyond logic; speeding down down down past […]
Courage, Trust and Hope
Photos my own, Montenegro 2017 and 2021 I am just back from a week’s late summer holiday in Montenegro with Medjool. It should have been an “organised holiday”, with daily longish-distance swimming in the “fjords”, lakes, rivers and sea in and around Montenegro with SwimTrek. But Montenegro recently made it on to the UK’s Red […]
Average Widow – Revisited
Nearly five years later, I *still* identify myself as a widow because that is what I am. I will always be Mike’s widow. It is what it is. But, I am so much more than this. And, really, I have always known that who I am is more than a dead man’s fiance, but the weight of grief prevented me from embracing myself and who I am without him for a long, long time. Now, finally, I can say with authority and certainty that I am more me than widow – if that makes sense. I am Staci. I continue to be only “average” at widowing, but like before, I don’t care. I was never planning on excelling at this gig anyhow because I am too busy rebuilding my life to bother becoming proficient at widowhood.
50 is Here
Last Sunday I turned 50 years old. Nick and I had a big, outdoor party at our new home. It was a combination birthday / housewarming event. To keep things safe, we kept the invites to local friends and family, held it 90% outside, and basically did all we could to maintain safety precautions. There […]
In-Flight Fear
I’m afraid of heights. I have been completely frozen on the top of a ladder. I stand back from windows in a tall building and the idea of skydiving is sheer terror to me. Strangely enough, I love roller coasters and I don’t mind flying. I think the security in being seated helps combat the […]
Maintaining
Lee was not my first wife nor even my second wife. However, she is the wife for whom the marriage vow “’til death do us part” felt true and irrevocable. Lee and I enjoyed a wonderful marriage. Then cancer came and got Lee and she died too young. I have learned firsthand that death is […]
Confessions
Hi Babe, It’s been 166 days, 22 hours, 32 minutes and 16 seconds since you left. The clock ticks on as I write, rendering the time estimate incorrect seconds after I type it. Confession seems warranted since I sometimes cannot remember if I’ve showered— and apparently I made a tribute tile for you but I […]
Community and Accountability
Main image by Hudson Hintze on Unsplash When I took up swimming again for the first time, when I was about 23, it was after an approximatively 10-year hiatus. Until the age of 13, swimming (in a pool) was one of the three main sports I did, along with ice-skating and orienteering. I enjoyed all […]