It’s incredible what a song can do. I was driving home tonight, emotions already welling up in me. Moving in with Mike is probably one of the most bittersweet things to happen in my life since Drew died. And I hate that. I was over at my place picking up a few things, walking around outside for a moment in the quiet of the evening, and a great…
widow
Leaving Stuff Behind
I’m finally back home in Kona. And honestly, it’s a little strange. I’ve been traveling more in the past year than the entire previous decade. And I’ve gotten kind of good at it. I’ve honed in on what I really need and where each item belongs in my baggage as I move from one place to the next. So being home really clarifies 1) how little…
No Reason to Fear
Ever since that horrible day 4 years ago, I have been shoved into every imaginable situation of discomfort. Just like all of you. I’ve been thrust into an oblivion… a war zone of emotions… trying to fight my way through without even knowing which direction I am fighting towards. Fighting in the dark. Wandering. Scared. Trying to survive.
Leaving Another Nest
I have decided something huge in the past few weeks. Something I have been working to make space for in my heart for about the past 3 or 4 months. It’s time, much sooner than I’d planned (story of my life)… I am moving in with my new love, Mike. As I spend most of my time at his house, it is getting harder and harder to live out of two…
Sharing With Myself
No matter what else happens to us in this life, no matter where we go or what we do, we will forever carry the memories of our lost loves in our hearts. Even other widowed people will never be able to exactly understand all the details of our past lives with our husbands or wives who are now gone.I can talk to my widowed friends about Mike, I can…
Remembering as we Live On
This week Mike, Shelby and I are in Texas. It’s the first trip we are taking down to my home state together since I moved. We have spent the weekend with all of my oldest and best friends, having our annual camping trip. It’s a trip we’ve done ever since Drew died… and this is the first year that everyone has been able to make it. These…
Terrawimba
‘We are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with a sleep.’ – Shakespeare, The Tempest Oh brain, I am in awe…and no small amount of confusion…as to where these images originate… The other night I dreamed of riding in a most unique invention of my weary soul. Open scene sitting in the backseat of a vehicle…
Becoming, and now, Become~
A week ago I attended a gathering of women called Where Womyn Gather. In those 4 days of celebration I connected with scores of women as we stood around huge bonfires in the night that were not just bonfires but sacred fires lit by women known as fire tenders; fires kept burning day and night so we could gather at any hour.We had rituals under…
The Winds of You
This past week, I dug up all my old journals from boxes and drawers to photograph for my grief e-course I am building. In the course, we will spend a week writing about our grief, and so I decided to go back through my own journals to look for examples of some of the raw emotions I have captured since this journey began. One of the things we talk…
Rebuilding Together
Our awesome Friday writer, Kelley Lynn, is having some technical difficulties today while attending Camp Widow West, so she’s asked me to write something in her place. I didn’t hesitate to help her out, even though I have other work to be writing on this morning that I’m actually a bit behind schedule on! Now, this got me thinking about the…
Surviving Graduation
There is no reason a child should experience the heartache of losing a parent at a young age. I will never forget having to tell my kids that their daddy was gone. Less than one month after his death my daughter graduated preschool. I can’t even begin to explain how heartbreaking it was to have to sit there and watch her sing her songs and recite…
A Letter to My Younger Self
Dear Younger Self, Today is the four year anniversary of that horrible day… and you are just beginning on this ride of horrors. I wish I could have been there at the beginning. From here, there is so much I can tell you about what you’ll be facing in the years ahead, and about what wondrous things will unfold, too. I wanted to take a moment to…