Your death stripped me down to bone and marrow. It dug my heart out of my body with sharp talons And flung it, bloodied, onto the ground A sharp bladed axe, Such as was used for beheadings in the days of Henry VIII Hacked away at that bloodied heart of mine on the ground. Slicing and dicing it into miniscule pieces.It took effort and…
Travel
Dreaming Together
The death of your significant other can have a tendency to place your goals and dreams on hold. You may have been planning a major purchase together…a new home, a vehicle, or even a major furniture or appliance buy. It might have been that trip to the Grand Canyon or Alaska you had dreamed of for years. Kids? That was always a “sometime…
Adding it All Up~
April 21, 2013. 11:21 pm. It all stopped at that moment. He took a quick breath in. So did I. And that was it.And the clock continued ticking. It ticked into today. June 25, 2019. 194,915,716 seconds. 3,248,595 minutes. 54,143 hours. 2,255 days. 322 weeks. 74 months. 6 years. Time is relentless, isn’t it? It continues on, no matter what. Same as…
Thinking, and Overthinking~
What do you think about happiness? The possibility for it, in widowhood, I mean. And has the word changed in meaning for you since the death of your person? Do you even know what it means in this life after?I don’t know what happiness or joy means in this life. It certainly isn’t what it used to be when Chuck was alive. When I felt easy,…
Hola Amigo
Hey man, Well, it’s that time of year again. I’m here in Texas, with Sarah and Shelby, to celebrate you. This is what, year…five for me? That seems crazy. We went to your grave today, and it’s I guess looking good as ever. The little heart shaped rocks, the trinkets…the helicopters; they’re all still there. Your mom had some…
Shaken, Foggy, Shocked
Yesterday, I was driving to my Soaring Spirits Widowed Social Group meetup that I co-lead. We meet 2x per month, at various coffee shops and restaurants and such. We provide friendship, support, and a place to safely be our widowed selves, whether thats crying, laughing, venting, or anything in between. Yesterday we met at a new…
Beginning my New Year~
My new year begins each April 21. That’s the date of Chuck’s death. It’s the only new year that carries any meaning for me. What do I care about January 1? April 21 is the day my life incinerated and I was eviscerated. So it stands to reason, at least in my mind, that this is the day where I look back, and, insofar as I’m able, look ahead.I knew,…
Questions. For Myself. For Others~
What does one do, 6 years after being widowed? Where do we stand? What does life mean in the here and now? Does the future finally carry meaning for us? Or is life simply one filled with questions? About ourselves, our lives, the life we lived, the life we have to live in the without…I always feel a vague sense of unease when I tell someone newly…
6 Years of Tired~
This isn’t going to be an upbeat blog. No apologies for that, but fair warning. I don’t have it in me today.Yesterday was 6 years since Chuck died. I wonder why I can’t seem to get wherever it is I’m supposed to get. In this widowed life, I mean. It’s felt, since I was first widowed, like I’ve had to continually strive to be somewhere in the…
Numbers and Changing Lives~
Chuck and I sold our home in NJ in May 2009 to go out on the road and travel our country together. No more rat race for us. Just time together. We had just shy of 4 years on the road together. He died April 21, 2013. 11:21 pm is when he took his last breath. In so many ways, I did too. Take my last breath, I mean. My breathing hasn’t been the…
Time and Wishing~
I’m coming up on 6 years since Chuck died. April 21. It’s weird how my brain works with time regarding his death. For the first 5 years I counted in days and weeks and months. In the last few weeks, I’ve found myself saying almost 6 years. Once April 21 comes…which is my New Year, by the way, instead of January 1, I know I’ll say it’s been over 6…
Me and the Universe~
I met Christina Rasmussen, from Second Firsts, early in my widowhood, on her first book tour. She was in Boston and I was in NH, so I drove to the book store holding the event, and heard her speak for the first time. It didn’t change the emotions of my widowhood, but her words, her philosophy about life after loss touched me deeply. It was my…