April 21, 2013.
It all stopped at that moment.
He took a quick breath in.
So did I.
And that was it.
And the clock continued ticking.
It ticked into today.
June 25, 2019.
Time is relentless, isn’t it?
It continues on, no matter what.
Same as life.
I’ve wandered around within those seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years.
I know I’ve accomplished shit, but it’s difficult to put it into words.
I know I’ve done Chuck proud, same as when he was alive.
It’s harder now, doing him proud, without any feedback from him.
But I do it anyways.
Wandering around within time is what I do, and I’m okay with that, honestly.
I feel no need to keep up with the world at large.
Or compete with anyone over anything.
I’m satisfied to let my heart guide me into whatever/wherever I need to be.
Time is meaningless to me, and more meaningful than ever to me,
As my soul beats out its’ rhythm.
Time is relentless and unforgiving.
And I’m okay within that, in my world where nothing is okay because Chuck stays dead no matter how I count Time.
Time is a cadence count into the next second/minute/hour/days/weeks/months/years of my life.
It just keeps going and I keep doing shit that may or may not matter to anyone but myself.
I just keep trying to grow Love into each of those measureable beats.
Just Love, I tell myself.
Open to Love.
Be Love in every way.
It’s the only way I can stay connected to my dead husband.
Because he was Love.
We were Love.
And now, I’m Love for both of us.
It’s my lifeline~